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Parents Blog

Susan Boyd blogs on USYouthSoccer.org every Monday.  A dedicated mother and wife, Susan offers a truly unique perspective into the world of a "Soccer Mom". 

 

Road Trip

Susan Boyd

            Fall brings tournaments— many of which will be far out of town. I have always loved tournaments— in fact I’m going to one this weekend— but the travel can be expensive, stressful, demanding, and taxing on family scheduling. How do we travel to these events and still keep the lid on all the negatives? There are definitely things a family can do that can make trips both enjoyable and manageable.
 
            One very important preliminary planning step for any tournament trip would be to insist that there is a team meeting before the season even starts. This is where you can let the team manager know that you like to travel with your family, but you also need to keep to a budget. You’ll probably find that other families feel the same way but might be afraid to speak up. Robbie played on a team where the parents always wanted to stay in higher class hotels. It got pretty pricey, especially when we had Bryce with his own tournaments. Now I’m not a double bed kind of gal, so I know that getting queen beds usually requires a bump in price. A savvy manager can get some good deals by using the increasing number of websites with hotel coupons (hotelcoupons.com, travelcoupons.com, groupon.com, etc.). Occasionally large tournaments will pre-assign hotels to teams. Even in those cases you can see if there are greater discounts online, especially for major hotel chains. 
 
            Team meetings are also the place to find rides for your child if you can’t attend a tournament. Don’t be shy about asking for help. Likewise, volunteer to take a player or two if you have the extra car space. We usually got two rooms when we went to tournaments and bunked the boys in one room while we parents stayed in another. The families pitched in to cover the cost of the second room and kids brought their own food money. We always felt comfortable asking a family to help us out when we needed to be two places at once. Most soccer families understand that they will need to have help at one time or another so they are very willing to help out when they can.
 
            Team meals can end up being really expensive if you don’t choose some reliably nutritious and reasonably priced restaurants. Kids can be picky eaters, so it’s not always easy to find places everyone will like. We have always found Cici’s Pizza, Sweet Tomato’s, most buffet restaurants, family style Italian restaurants such as Buca di Beppo and Mongolian grills allow for people to dine for $10 or less per person with plenty of food to satisfy anyone’s appetite. The team should plan ahead for meals using the internet to locate appropriate restaurants and making reservations if necessary. Last minute decisions often result in more expensive situations. Again, look for coupons to make the cost even more affordable (retailmenot.com/coupons/restaurantchains).
 
            Usually you’ll drive to most tournaments but occasionally you’ll need to fly and rent a car. Knowing where and when to reserve flights is a complex and frustrating process. The best website I have found is CheapOAir.com, which has coupons to take an additional $10 to $25 off flights. They also have a best price guarantee. If you find a better price on another website within four hours of booking your flight they will either refund your entire ticket or refund the difference. This feature allows you to book and have the option to still search. Bing.com/travel/flights has a price predictor which indicates the best time to purchase tickets to your destination. Car rentals fluctuate constantly. Renting at the airport will always be the most expensive, so if you can get to a rental office at a hotel or in the city you will probably save substantially. It might be worth taking a free hotel shuttle to a rental office there. When reserving your car seek out satellite sites. Don’t be afraid to search non-traditional rental car services such as E-Z Rent-a-Car, Ace, or Advantage. As always, find online coupons to lower the cost even more (rentalcarmomma.com).
 
            When you do make it a true road trip, how do you make the miles melt away? Road games of course! You can elect to do some classic non-equipment games or games that have been adapted to play in a car (or on a plane or train). While you may have a car equipped with an entertainment system, popping in a movie isn’t always the best way to develop family togetherness. Most kids have some type of portable gaming system, but again burying their heads in their Nintendo DS or clicking Angry Birds on their iPhone doesn’t promote family communication. Given our busy schedules, which include soccer practices and games, it could be a golden opportunity to turn a road trip into a family bonding experience. Disney offers ten great car games that only require enthusiasm and some eagle-eyed attention to the landscape (familyfun.go.com/vacations/classic-road-trip-games-713633/). There’s also no need to purchase games like Car Bingo. These can be printed off from the web and kept in the car for any time you need them (momsminivan.com/printables.html). Additionally, plan ahead by looking at your route and finding some spots of interest where you can take a short break and see something of the land you are traveling. Find those scenic viewpoints, historical markers, and oddities that we often race past at 65 miles per hour. Most of us have GPS and don’t bother with AAA any longer for maps, but those wonderful Triptiks offer lots of information about highlights on your way to your destination. You can get them on-line and there is even a Triptik app you can download (www.aaa.com/AAA_Travel/AAAMaps/travel_directions.htm).
 
            Finally, make that road trip comfortable with plenty of fluids and snacks. You can get a "refrigerator" which operates off your car battery. These eliminate the need for ice and the mess that melting ice can produce. While you can get really fancy, there are coolers which cost under $75 and can be found at Amazon, Wal-Mart and Target. Since an ice cooler runs around $30 and requires the additional cost of ice, getting an electric cooler isn’t unreasonable. To help reduce bathroom breaks purchase the smaller bottles of sports drinks, juices and water. Kids will generally keep drinking until the bottle is empty. For snacks, you should avoid crumbly items that will leave your car or van with a case of food dandruff. Also, most flavored chips have coatings that will smear all over your upholstery. Dried real fruit snacks, nuts, and granola bars make good choices as they are high in nutrition and low in mess. Don’t forget about old stand-bys like animal crackers and string cheese. Suckers and Tootsie Roll Pops can be a great long lasting treat so long as you can trust your kids not to lay them on the seats! I’m a huge fan of jelly beans which provide a variety of flavors.
 
            I always get excited about the possibility of a road trip to a tournament. I really enjoy the journey and once we arrive I love watching other teams play so I can see the level of ability out there. We allow sufficient travel time so we don’t feel rushed and can adapt to those occasional traffic back-ups. We take breaks every two to three hours to make sure we don’t end up with "car fever" and let our circulatory system shake out. Road trips can be a wonderful time to see a bit of our country, have some conversations with our kids, and make discoveries if we plan ahead and have a positive attitude about the drive.

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Just a Little Civility

Susan Boyd

            I took my grandsons to a nice pizza restaurant for dinner and got an unwelcomed serving of R-rated language from the table of high school boys next to us. The adverbs and adjectives of choice began with "S" and "F" and were as liberally sprinkled into their conversation as flakes of parmesan on a pizza slice. When I approached their table to ask them to tone it down, they were shocked and ultimately very polite about it. I don’t think they even thought about the venue and how their language was drifting unconstrained into the room. While this episode ended with everyone agreeing on what rules of decorum should be followed, too often in sports we witness atrocious and uncontrolled incivility, and I’m talking about youth sports!
 
            Whatever behavior the parents exhibit the kids will mimic. After all they want to be adults, and obviously adults belittle, swear, argue and fight. I’ve seen parents come to blows over the most trivial of reasons. There was a sideline battle when one parent told another parent that his team’s colors were stupid. Not sure why it had to be said and not sure why it couldn’t have been ignored, but I am really not sure why it required actual fisticuffs. I’ve heard parents call referees names that would make longshoremen blush. Even worse, it’s completely unacceptable to direct that type of verbal poison at a kid. We hear the stories of parents going onto the field, the court, or the ice and physically and verbally attacking a child for some perceived slight or play infraction. I witnessed a parent at a tournament approach a referee during a U8 game and slap him. The poor ref was only twelve and had no idea what to do. Police were called and the mother, yes it was a mother, was arrested right there in front of family and friends. There’s a warm, fuzzy memory for her child to cherish.
 
            Coaches can forget that their charges are not seasoned adults, but impressionable insecure kids who only want to please. After a particularly tough contest that the team lost, the coach pulled one kid aside and told him, "You’re the reason we lost!" In the first place that’s blatantly false – no one player is responsible for a loss or a win – second, if the kid was playing so badly as to warrant that comment, the coach had the option to substitute him, and third, what lesson was the coach trying to teach? A better approach would have been to first focus on what went well in the game – fighting through two overtimes comes to mind – then breaking down some of the tactics and skills the team could improve on. We all have or have had kids and we know their attention span rarely exceeds three minutes. A few quick notes will sink in but a detailed analysis of the entire game won’t. Sadly, those moments when we say something rude and demeaning seem to last forever.
 
            I’ve seen two instances of kids spitting on their hands before doing the obligatory handshakes at the end of the game. In one case the coach pulled those kids aside and told them that they needed to represent the team with pride, dignity, and courtesy. He warned them that the next time they would be benched for a full game. In the second case, the coach laughed, the parents egged the kids on, and the behavior became a constant until a referee stepped in and reported the team to the state association. It is unfortunate it had to come to a report. Kids, whose natural instinct is to stretch boundaries, will exhibit discourteous behavior when adults not only tolerate but encourage that type of behavior. For example, kids see their favorite soccer stars aggressively playing on the field, and they want to emulate that play. They don’t understand the evolution from controlled and civil field behavior to the tough, aggressive and often uncivil play of professionals. If they witness prejudicial behavior on the pitch against a race, gender, or religion, it’s up to us adults to immediately call that behavior into question. We have to encourage good manners and reject loutishness.
 
            Kids should be learning from sports that respect for others and rules of decorum need to be foremost in the experience. If kids hear foul language, witness reckless actions, become the brunt of belittling comments and see adults not showing proper respect to authority, they will slowly morph into players who don’t play with civility. Once a game is over what will we be doing? Usually, we have plans like going out for lunch or a movie, meeting friends for a play date, or going home to watch Tiger Woods putt. Those activities are on a par with any soccer game when it comes to creating fun memories and family togetherness. Would we stand up at a movie and start yelling that the director is an idiot? Would we take one of your child’s friends aside to tell her that she is lousy at Go Fish? We seem to understand within most situations what is proper behavior and what isn’t. So why at a youth sporting events do we suddenly become these demons of language and behavior that we would never accept in a store, at a restaurant or at school? What do we really accomplish by yelling at the referee, engaging the parents of the opposing team in battles over whose team is better, or cheering on a child who has just punched another kid because we felt the hit was justified?
 
            While I’m not an advocate of the "everyone is winner" type of false praise, I do believe we can encourage even when a child is playing dismally. We can find a way to approach a game positively without being disingenuous. If we don’t like a referee’s call, keep it to ourselves. We should expect our children to respect the authority of their coach and the referees, so we shouldn’t do anything to undermine it. We should teach our children that in the face of rudeness express only civility. It’s difficult because the tradition of "kill the umpire" pervades sports and trickles down to youth sports. In reality there isn’t a game our kids play that justifies bad manners. In the grand scheme of their lives and activities these games are mere blips; except of course for the game where your mother gets arrested. That game attains immortality.

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Basic Skills

Susan Boyd

           A quote from Mickey Mantle’s opened the film "Moneyball." "It’s unbelievable what you don’t know about the game you’ve been playing all your life." While it referred to baseball it could just as easily apply to soccer. Even the greatest players continue to refine and develop new skills. Skills build on previous skills just like any learning process. All too often coaches don’t demand that basic skills become second nature for youth players. They opt instead for less repetitious and therefore less boring practice games. Retired U.S. Men’s National Team captain Claudio Reyna recognizes that "…you can’t teach skills to an old player. Youth coaches should keep in mind that individual skills need to be nurtured at an early age. Players who haven’t mastered the fundamental skills become frustrated because the game gets too difficult for them as they move into higher levels." All too often I see players on NCAA Division I teams unable to execute these basic skills. If players want to compete successfully they have to have a first touch, an ability to trap the ball, execution of a safe and proper header, an understanding how to play off the ball, play equally well with both feet, be at least 90 minutes fit, possess the instinct to come to the ball and have an accurate pass both on the ground and in the air. Simple, right?
 
           First touch is exactly what it says. Players need the deftness to gently accept the ball on a ground pass in such a way that the ball remains close to their feet. How often have you seen a player get a pass, have it hit the foot and bounce ten feet forward where an opposing player picks it up. I argue that when people say soccer is boring it is actually because of a series of lousy first touches creates a game of ping pong without the fluid dance of a team moving the ball down the field. That dance generates the electric possibilities that put a fan’s heart in the throat. Developing that nimble first touch requires hours of. If your child plays baseball, how many infield balls are hit to the shortstop with every possible permutation of the follow-up throw? How many fly balls are hit to the outfield? Drills are an important part of development. For youth soccer, drills should take up a significant part of every practice.
 
           Trapping the ball is the ability to receive a ball in the air on either the chest or by literally trapping it between the foot and the ground. Few players do it right. When trapped on the chest it shouldn’t bounce off like a racquetball hitting a wall. Instead of bouncing the ball should be cushioned and slide down to the player’s feet. If trapping is done with the foot, it needs to end with the ball under the foot and on the ground, not 20 feet in front of the player. Again, the only way to make this skill second nature is for the coach to drill the players in proper methods with the goal being near perfection.
 
           There has been debate concerning the use of head gear to prevent concussions in soccer players and to diminish the effects that heading a ball might have. However, most players and coaches agree that learning where on the head to receive the ball and how to rotate the head properly make a header safe. Yet often players are left to instinctively develop their header technique on their own leading to injury. There are header drills that coaches can conduct to help players develop the proper techniques. 
 
           Movement off the ball may be even more important than what a player does with the ball. Samuel Eto’o, the talented Cameroon soccer player, stated that, "The most important thing for a forward is speed of thought. Top players read the game." Playing off the ball requires a player to consider what options are present and how to maximize those options by placing himself in the most advantageous spot. That ability to read the game is somewhat innate but can be taught with both film and drills. Here is where practice games can pay off, because the coach can stop play to discuss placement and have players reason out where they could place themselves on the field. As Mia Hamm says, "Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it." Players can learn how to turn negatives into positives if they begin to understand that more soccer is played without the ball. Learning to be patient, not to be a ball chaser and see possibilities will make every youth player stronger.
 
           Learning to play with both feet not only develops a player beyond just serviceable, but actually catapults them into the highest levels. You’ve seen players miss an open goal because they had to shift the ball to their "proper" foot giving the defense time to intervene. Or you’ve watched a ball go wildly off course because it was hit with the "wrong" foot. Playing equally well with both feet doesn’t just double a player’s value, it can quadruple it. Defensively that player can steal a ball or slide tackle from any direction. Likewise, offensively the opposing team is vulnerable from all directions when a two-footed player begins the dribble. They can’t predict where she’ll turn or how she’ll turn. Coaches can conduct drills which require players to practice with their weaker foot until they develop the strength, skill, and intuition to use both feet.
 
           Every practice should begin with fitness training. The average distance a soccer player travels during a typical 90 minute game is seven miles. So players need to be able to run seven miles without lagging and without fatigue. Players without a strong center of gravity will be easily pushed off the ball. Youth players probably won’t benefit from weight training, in fact it could do harm, because they are still growing and developing their muscle mass. They can benefit from learning how to brace, how to use their bodies to protect the ball and what foods will best develop those fledgling muscles. Once players are in high school they can consider adding supervised weight training.
 
           Kyle Rote Jr. said, "If you're attacking, you don't get as tired as when you're chasing." Learning when to come to the ball can make the difference between an attack and a chase. A player sees his teammate is going to pass to him. He sets himself up to receive the ball. Suddenly the opposing defender steps in front, steals the ball and the chase is on. Players have to learn not to root themselves in a position especially when the ball is coming to them. Often they have the mistaken idea that they are five steps closer to the goal, so running away from the goal to meet the ball is unproductive. There are drills for learning how to shield the defender from stepping in front if the player wants to stay put and drills for developing the instinct of when to step to the ball. 
 
           The biggest and most frustrating bugaboo of soccer is passing. Players seem to settle for being able to send the ball away from themselves but don’t seem to be overly concerned about where those passes land. Voted European Player of the Century in 1999 Johan Cryuff manages the Catalan National Team. He observed that, "Football is simple but the hardest thing to do is play simple football." Nothing shows that more than bad passing. Players make lousy choices because they complicate the process. The center of the field leads to the center of the goal, prompting players to erroneously assume the best bet is to pass down the middle. In fact only 33% of goals are made in the middle of the net. That leaves 67% on the sides. Add to this that 67% of those goals are achieved by aiming low means that players who approach from the sides and shoot low have the greatest chance of scoring. Passing into the opponents in the center lane of the pitch isn’t as effective and often leads to an opponent picking up the pass. Learning which shoulder of a receiver to send a ball over requires an understanding of the direction the player is moving and which side of her the defender is on. There are excellent drills both for developing accurate open field passing and defended passing.
 
           Parents should look for clubs that will develop their players by developing these skills. While playing matches is fun, it won’t correct the bad habits players have or build skills that players need. Find a club that emphasizes drills, especially in those years leading up to high school. It’s important that players can take care of the basic skills if they want to move on to the more complex aspects of the game. While these skills don’t seem all that simple, they are attainable with the necessary practice and devotion. Coaches can do only so much to give a player these skills. Like anything we learn the quality depends as much on the student as on the teacher. Manfred Schellscheidt, the German-American coach and player, makes it clear, "I don’t believe skill was, or ever will be, the result of coaches. It is a result of a love affair between the child and the ball." A player who truly wants to get better will. While drills aren’t glamorous, they do offer players a chance to move up to a more glamorous role on their team. 

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The standards you get are the standards you set

Sam Snow

I coach a soccer team made up of 13 and 14 year old boys. I have a couple of players that are "bratty." They want to do what they want; they roll their eyes when being coached or whistle when the coach is talking to them. Should I give in to them or kick them off the team?
 
On a number of different levels, the early teens are a challenging age group to coach. It is a normal part of this age to test and push the limits of those with authority over them – parents, teachers and yes, soccer coaches too. Nevertheless, when it comes to team behavior coaches should follow this saying, "The standards you get are the standards you set."
 
In this instance I would not go to either extreme of giving in to them or cutting them from the team. The next time one of them behaves inappropriately in front of the team, coaches or team manager, then immediately pull that player aside individually and address the matter directly. The head coach must make it clear to the player what behaviors are unacceptable in the culture of the team. Do not punish the player at this time. Be matter of fact in the tone you take and with your body language. Your goal here is twofold. First, you must begin to modify the player(s) behavior; and secondly, you want to keep the player(s) in the team. If the player(s) act out again during that training session or match, then remind the player of what had just been discussed. Be consistent in your expectations of the players. But don’t harp on it either. Don’t take the misbehavior personally—it is kids testing limits. That testing is sometimes a youngster’s way of finding out if this adult authority figure really does care about them.
 
If the inappropriate behavior continues after a week or two of the coach addressing it directly with the player, then ask the parents to be involved in the next discussion with the player. Ask the parents to support mature behavior by their child so that it benefits the team, respects the staff and aids in the growth of the player.
 
If the behavior still does not improve, involve the club director of coaching and/or the club president in the discussion with the player and parents. After that step is taken and if the misbehavior continues then, the club makes the decision to release the player from the club. This is the final step and hopefully all options have been exhausted before dropping a youth player. Our overarching goal in all of youth soccer must be to keep kids in the game for a lifetime.
 
I think another analysis of the inappropriate behavior should be reflection by the coach on the training methods being used. The seed of the problem could be poor coaching and/or management of the training environment. Sometimes young players act out when the coach fails to avoid the three L’s: lines, laps and lectures. Coaches should avoid these actions during a training session. When these actions are present in a training session it is not only inefficient use of training time, but it is also boring. The kids came to training to play soccer. They did not show up to stand with the coach and talk about soccer, stand in a long line waiting to kick the ball one time and then go to the back of the line or to run laps around the field. They came to training to PLAY soccer! When coaches move away from drills in training sessions and instead use game-like activities then the players are fully engaged physically and mentally. The challenges of game-like activities and the problem solving situations they present are not only fun, but they help players develop to a higher level of soccer. Take it a step further and have the players who have been acting out to be the leaders in some of the activities. Ask them questions during the training session that cause them to think deeply about the game, give them leadership responsibilities and challenge the limits of their talents. When the abilities of these players are met with an appropriate soccer challenge then it is likely that the misbehavior will disappear.
 
A coach can tell the difference between a drill and an activity by using the activity checklist. Whenever you put together a lesson plan for a training session ask yourself these questions:
 
  • Are the activities fun?
  • Are the activities organized?
  • Are the players involved in the activities?
  • Is creativity and decision making being used?
  • Are the spaces used appropriate?
  • Is the coach’s feedback appropriate?
  • Are there implications for the game?
 
Soccer is easy to teach to children because many of them already know a good deal about it and many simply enjoy the sport. Simple principles, professional organization, appropriate incentives, and unlimited encouragement—-any coach worth the name can hardly fail. Even more important, he or she will gain enormous gratification from the pleasure and satisfaction gained by the children.

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