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Parents Blog

Susan Boyd blogs on USYouthSoccer.org every Monday.  A dedicated mother and wife, Susan offers a truly unique perspective into the world of a "Soccer Mom". 

 

Out of the shadows

Susan Boyd

It's a topic most people don't discuss, or if they do, it's in hushed tones with some embarrassment. Every day finds parents having to go out in public with their children armed with little or no information but having to make one of the bigger decisions of their children's sports life. I'm talking about buying their children's first athletic cup or sports bra. Those of you who have already had to do it know how your visit to the store was couched in confusion and awkwardness. This is a purchase we parents may have only made once for ourselves because not so long ago the choices were simple and timeless. I know my husband still uses the jock strap he bought in college and I still have that running bra from the 80s in my drawer. They do the job. But now the permutations of what you can purchase have exploded. So what can we expect when we stride through the electronic doors of the emporium? What manual exists to help us not only to discuss this purchase with our children, but to guide them to the right product?

We certainly can't rely on the staff to help. We are inevitably greeted by an 18-year-old who still giggles when hearing anyone talk about the planet Uranus. So why would we expect him or her to be able to deal with an intimate sports purchase with any kind of delicacy. We also can't be assured of a salesperson being the same gender as our child, which adds to everyone's discomfort. And worse we quickly discover that given all the options available for cups and bras asking a clerk what would be appropriate for your pre-teen daughter or son would be akin to asking that same clerk to suggest an investment strategy to weather the fluctuations of international currencies. We'd be better off using the proverbial blind stab.

Let's start with sports bras. Girls are acutely aware that their bras will be seen whether or not they choose to rip off their jersey following a successful PK ala Brandi Chastain. If they play for a club that has a white jersey as part of their kit, then they know how see-through that jersey can be with a rainy day or lots of sweat augmenting the visibility. Sports bras can run the gamut from utilitarian to fashionable to inappropriate. But if I had to categorize the level of importance for your daughter it would be fashionableness, inappropriateness, and then utility. Selecting the right bra won't just be about size or support, which on their own can be daunting given that bras can be stretchy, see-through, supportive, one piece, clasp, or built-in to a shirt. Oh no, you will need to carefully consider how the bra looks. Therefore you may end up purchasing two or three different bras depending on how much of them will be seen and how well they color coordinate with the uniform. And forget about one size fits all or small, medium, and large. Sports bra sizes are now as varied as regular bra sizes. How to pick the size correctly becomes its own dilemma not easily resolved if no dressing rooms are available. It's not unreasonable to expect that you'll be buying three times the number of bras your daughter will need and then returning most of them after a private fitting at home.

But at least sports bras are returnable. This is not the case with cups and jock straps. So getting the right one can involve buying and discarding several incorrect ones. Now it's true that most boys don't use this equipment for soccer, but it's also true that most boys don't play just soccer. So I know I am writing this for most of you. There was a time when these items came in two sizes: youth and adult.   They came in hard plastic cases and hung on metal hooks on the edge of shelves holding baseballs, gloves, and orange cones. You didn't even need to have your kid with you. But now the choices are endless, difficult, and occupy their own aisle. There are boxer shorts with cups sewn in them, there are actual sizes such as small, medium, and large which begs the question do you buy the right size or do you buy the size that doesn't make your son feel inadequate, and there are colors. The jock strap of the past 100 years no longer carries any standing with the athletes of today. You have to have some space age fabric designed with some ergonomic fitting that is endorsed by some superstar. So now the products are so specialized that they only work for select groups of players. My grandson can't find a comfortable cup to save his life. I think he has an entire dresser dedicated to the discarded options he selected over the past year. They end up being too small, too large, too tight, too loose, too squishy, too hard, too awkward, and too wedgy. The hunt goes on every time his family goes to a sporting goods store. The crusaders had more success in locating the Holy Grail than my grandson has finding a cup that doesn't preoccupy him graphically when wearing it.

Read up on the products out there because I can guarantee that there will be as much social acceptance based on the cup or bra you purchase as in the cell phone you use. I would never have thought that the most intimate of sports apparel would now have a "cool" factor that requires careful research and acquisition. Leave it to the trend setters to have found the one area of my life where I thought I could remain on equal footing with the Joneses and turn it into another battleground for elitism. I encourage us parents to remove the silence that surrounds this topic and begin to talk parent to parent about what's out there, because it is scary what the stores offer. We thought we could handle this discretely like head lice, but those days are gone. We must begin to speak out to one another or we risk making ill-informed and disastrous choices that could actually impact our children's self-images. Good luck…you'll need it.
 

Work it out

Susan Boyd

I can clearly measure my level of fitness by how willing I am to tolerate a parking spot on the fringes of the tournament lot.   When I see that I have to walk six soccer fields lengthwise to get to my kids' game there's that moment where I weigh motherly devotion against back cramps. The kids so far have always won, but it does beg the question: at which distance will they lose out?   That's the thing about youth sports. It promotes good fitness for our kids, while we parents end up driving long hours in the car, sitting on the sidelines, and joining our kids in fast food meals on the fly without the benefit of a practice or a game at the end. The most exercise I'll get is bending over backwards, running around in circles, and taking leaps of faith.  

I'd love to see soccer clubs engage parents more in the fitness side of the sport. Sure, I should be self-motivated and take the time before a game to walk the perimeter of the field for thirty minutes. But I'm so grateful for a few minutes of time to sit and work on a crossword puzzle that I don't make myself do what would be healthier. Additionally, there's any number of parents who are new to soccer and don't yet appreciate how difficult it is to kick a ball with accuracy to a teammate or into what does appear to be a huge goal mouth. So I'm thinking there's a way to promote both fitness and understanding by sponsoring parent soccer clinics, hopefully weekly.

While our kids are practicing, we parents could gather to do our own sessions. We'd start with warm up exercises, switch to some soccer drills, advance to some Small-Side scrimmages, and finish with a cool down. Coaches often complain because they hate parents watching during the practice. The coaches want the freedom to conduct practices without feeling that the parents are judging the activities. By conducting a parent session each week, clubs could insure two things: parents won't hang around every practice and parents would begin to appreciate the techniques, difficulties, and beauty of the game by experiencing it firsthand. 

Inevitably there would be that mom or dad who ran track in college and goes to spin class three days a week who could make the rest of us look silly, but at least we could look silly in a pack rather than by ourselves in the gym. Looking foolish might actually be motivation because any embarrassment I would cause my children would simply be payback for all the grey hairs they've given me. Plus we parents could cooperatively encourage one another while learning to be more tolerant of our kids' play. We'd discover how hard it is to dribble a ball with the outside of your foot when you're running and someone is trying to steal it from you. And once a parent strikes a ball with what she/he believes is elegance but is actually wild abandon, that parent will understand the chagrin of watching the ball fly yards over the goal. The next time Eddie or Maggie makes the same mistake on the field, mom and dad won't be so critical.

Youth sports should be an opportunity for kids to develop some new skills, make friends, and increase their fitness. For the money we spend giving our kids these opportunities there's no reason we should miss out on the same benefits. Now I don't look good in shorts – as Erma Bombeck stated "according to my girth I should be a 90 foot redwood" – but I can run, kick, and look clumsy doing it with the best of them. And I'd love the chance to share in the fitness, friends, and fun my kids are getting. There's a whole different dynamic in making friends while being knocked on your rear instead of politely sipping tea in a red velvet chair. Get out there and ask your club to run clinics once a week or even once a month which would get us moms and dads involved physically and mentally in the sport. You'll gain a whole new perspective while sprawled on the pitch.
           
 

All You Need Are Friends - John Lennon

Susan Boyd

Everyone who got into soccer because their child's friend was in soccer raise your hand. I see you out there. You're the parents who didn't know much about soccer, maybe even hated soccer, but found yourself pulled in by peer pressure. When a youth sport grows as quickly as soccer has, that's the usual story. I'm sure there are lacrosse, rugby, and cricket parents with similar stories. But I'm grateful to that mom who insisted that Robbie's group of friends make up his first soccer team. We were totally clueless to the soccer process in our town and we probably would have opted for baseball and basketball had her son not insisted that he play soccer with all his friends. So we stapled our eight applications together, collared Bruce into coaching, and made a team of friends.  

Parents need to recognize the role that friendships play in the decisions our kids make growing up. Sometimes the decisions frustrate us. Our oldest daughter was an accomplished dancer who was accepted into a resident performing arts program when she was fourteen. She traveled 1,500 miles from home to go to school and perfect her craft. She made a friend there, who ultimately wasn't going to become a prima ballerina, and with her friend leaving the school Deana was persuaded that she no longer wanted to be a dancer. It was difficult to see her give up something she had been training in for nine years, but at the same time she knew she'd be unhappy at the school without her friend there. Today Deana and her roommate are friends although they live on opposite ends of the country and see each other only once or twice a year. But that friendship has proven to be more significant to both women than their dreams of being a dancer. Deana is now an executive in the fashion industry and loves her job. Her happiness didn't come from continuing her journey with dance, but some of her happiness comes from continuing her friendship.

The best part of youth sports can be found in the friendships formed between players. In Robbie's senior yearbook the family of one friend put in a picture of four boys together winning the US Youth Soccer State Championship next to a picture of those same four boys winning the high school state championship five years later. The state championship was the last time all four of them played together on the same club team. But they rejoined in high school and remained friends. Both Robbie and Bryce have had soccer teammates who no longer play but have become great fans and loyal friends. 

This week we celebrate friendship which infuses youth soccer with the elements of fun and family. When we play with friends we have that much more fun because we share a deeper connection than just teammates. We share a connection off the field as well. The team becomes a family, enjoying picnics, parent-player games, sideline conversations, and the shared ups and downs of competition. Most kids will take away from youth sports not the memories of practices, games, and championships, but the memories of friendships – anecdotes, laughter, and support. Someday all of us will just be fans, even those who went on to play professionally, so it would be wonderful to rejoin our friends in the stands and continue the good camaraderie for years to come.
 

Soccer Savvy

Sam Snow

"Football is a sport made up of individual moments and you have to know how to play in each of them. That means playing short passes when it suits and playing long balls when necessary, the combination of which is beautiful, but always maintain a balance. The most difficult skill is knowing exactly what to do at each moment."

- Vicente del Bosque, Spanish Men's National Team Coach

Knowing what to do in each moment in a match is a long learning process for both players and coaches. Reading the game requires both players and coaches to have a common language. That language is encompassed in the Principles of Play and the Components of the Game. US Youth Soccer is producing a DVD on coaching the Principles of Play in Small-Sided Games for the U-6 to the U-12 age groups. That DVD should be available by the end of 2010.

It is important for players to eventually be able to perform within all moments of the game (keep in mind though that even adult professional players make mistakes in this regard). For all age groups and all levels of play, the most important moment in the game is transition. Transition is the moment in the match when individual players switch their player role in the game from defense to attack or attack to defense. Transition is understood first by an individual player, then a group of players and then the team as players learn to see the tactical cues in certain situations. That ability leads them to reading the game.

This moment of transition occurs first as mental recognition of the situation and then a decision that initiates physical action. The faster the recognition-decision-action connection is made, the more impactful a player's performance will be. Only once individual players are quickly making the transition from one phase of play to the next will it be possible for a team to execute quick and skillful transition from defense to attack or vice versa.

If transition does not happen fast enough for a player or team then they are always a step or two behind the action. The speed of a player's transition is based on their tactical awareness. Tactical awareness is being mindful of where you are on the field, as well as the location of the ball, teammates and opponents. It's the ability to read the game – to anticipate what will happen next and not merely react to what just happened. We refer to this level of mental focus and tactical awareness as being soccer savvy.

Your players have no chance of becoming soccer savvy players if they are simply cogs in the team wheel. Players who are over-coached in matches become robotic in their performance and cannot make tactical decisions fast enough. Slow decision making leads to reaction players instead of anticipation players. The over-coaching comes from not only coaches, but spectators too. They constantly yell out to the players what to do and when to do it. This further hinders a player's decision making as spectators are typically a step behind the action – the pace of the game is quicker than their words can be conveyed. This environment of coaches and parents making soccer decisions for the players during a match has lead to an American soccer weakness in transition. Our goal is to develop anticipation players, those who can read the game. That type of player can see what will happen next in a match. That player is one step ahead of the game. This sort of player evolves in a healthy soccer environment. That environment requires less coaching during matches and better coaching during training sessions. The training environment should lead to self-reliant players who think and communicate for themselves during a match.