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Parents Blog

Susan Boyd blogs on USYouthSoccer.org every Monday.  A dedicated mother and wife, Susan offers a truly unique perspective into the world of a "Soccer Mom". 

 

Simple to Complex

Susan Boyd

Take some open space, something to kick and a few kids and you can have a soccer game. For most of the world, that's how soccer is played. While players do possess balls, there's no problem substituting a tin can, melon, or box if a ball can't be found. Few kids possess shin guards and fields with crisp white lines aren't found in most towns and villages. That soccer can be played without anything we regard as soccer essentials probably explains its popularity.
 
In our own house we had a firm rule that no balls were to be in the house, and should one roll its way in, no balls were to be kicked in the house. So the boys quickly found lots of substitutes such as bundled socks, towels wrapped in a rubber band, pillows, shoes, even a round candle. Once they fell in love with soccer, there was no stopping soccer play no matter where we were and no matter how many restrictions I imposed. They found a way around it. Eventually, we cleared out the basement, put taped goals up on the opposing walls and let the boys go. One wall was paneling that set off an office space behind and in just a week's time we were able to see through to the office without any problem.
 
Birthdays and Christmas brought more and more soccer paraphernalia to add to already overflowing drawers and closets of soccer stuff. This simple game resulted in hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars of equipment, clothing and accessories. A ball wasn't enough; it had to be the official World Cup ball. Team uniforms wouldn't suffice; we had to add warm-ups, kit bag and "spirit" gear. Of course, as they grew older, they weren't on just one team. There was the club team, the summer league team, the indoor team, high school team and ODP. Then we bought the dresser to go in the garage with a drawer for each team so we could keep track of all the uniform items. Naturally there were jerseys for their soccer idols and flags for their teams. We subscribed to magazines, many of which came from overseas so cost twice as much. Coaches recommended instructional tapes and books. We bought portable goals. Then there were the peripheral soccer items like ornaments, computer skins, movies, picture frames, bedding and rugs.
 
You probably have your own list that grows every month. It's difficult not to reward your child's passion with items that further fuel the commitment. It's great for our kids to love something and feel empowered by that enthusiasm. So we rarely begrudge them their wants. Eventually we find ourselves buried in soccer stuff. When it comes to soccer gear such as uniforms, cleats, and balls, we can donate those items to any number of agencies happy to pass on the equipment to less fortunate players in the U.S. and around the world. Despite soccer not requiring any gear, it's always nice to have some as it not only enriches the game, but helps players develop the proper skills. We usually gathered together our unused gear once a year and donated it by bringing it to our state association offices for the Passback program or to our local soccer shop that collected for the Armed Forces. Finding someplace to donate is easy and much appreciated.
 
I'm not suggesting we shouldn't supplement the uniform and basic equipment needs of our children with extras. Every family has to decide what they can afford and what seems to be appropriate for their child's needs and wants. But I do suggest that you don't get sucked into a "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality. Even with unlimited funds, there is a limit to what a child needs to fuel his or her passion. So as you sort through the catalogs or visit the soccer store, you don't need to possess every scarf, blanket, and head band that exists. We quickly and painfully discovered that buying $120 official World Cup ball was money wasted. Within ten minutes of hitting the field that ball had sailed over the fence and into the Milwaukee River canal to make its journey east back to Germany. After that we never spent more than $25 on a ball. Likewise, team affiliations change rapidly as does idol worship, so we limited the purchase of jerseys to special occasions. In time you realize how much you have spent in essentially impulse buying and you learn to curb that. My admonition before we entered the soccer shop soon became "Don't Ask!" Still there was usually one shiny object that ended up attracting all of us. You know what I'm talking about.
 
When people ask how much soccer costs I have to answer "0 to 10,000 dollars." And I'm not being flippant. Soccer can be as inexpensive or as expensive as we want to make it. Some costs are unavoidable as our players get stronger and more skilled. They will naturally gravitate to the more expensive select clubs where training costs are higher. But especially at the younger ages, soccer doesn't need to be much above the basic level of a ball, a uniform, cleats, and shin guards. Lots of soccer stores offer a great package deal for the $25 to $30 range that will see your young one through at least six months of training. If you want to supplement that with a warm-up or a bag that's your choice, but don't ever think it's necessary. If they love soccer and decide to pursue it further, there will be plenty of time to pull out that wallet. Plenty of time.

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Club Joint Effort

Sam Snow

I have the good fortune to regularly exchange ideas on youth soccer with many coaches and administrators across our nation. One recent exchange was with a club director of coaching whose club is in the Central Illinois Youth Soccer League. His initial statement to me was this:
 
"Many of the directors of coaching and presidents of clubs in our league have been talking over the past few months about a way to get the best players in our clubs some higher level training and playing experience.  We have embraced the idea that Claudio Reyna (Youth Technical Director for U.S. Soccer) put forth to work together, not against each other to try to provide the best opportunities for our players (Us vs. The World!).  The CIYSL Elite is a new program we are looking to start where we will take the top U-15 to U-18 players from clubs in central Illinois and bring them together for training once a month over the winter, then take a group of players and train for a week or two and compete in a high level tournament together.  We have arranged for the players to be coached by local central Illinois college coaches so they are getting some of the best training available in the area.
 
I was wondering if you could help me out with showing the parents of our clubs the benefits of this type of program.  Do you have any sort of promotional material from US Youth Soccer? Or would you be willing to give me some quotes that we could use on our promotional material?
We are looking for support promoting the following areas:
 
1. We want to work together as a soccer community, not one club vs. another, to provide the best opportunities for our players to develop. (Us vs. The World!)
 
2.  We need to create a competitive, challenging environment for our top players to constantly test them and push them to improve.   Pooling all of the U-15 to U-18 players from central Illinois will allow us to create this type of playing environment for those top players.
 
3. This program is not to "poach" players and form one super-team in central Illinois, but simply to provide those players a chance to get additional higher level playing opportunities while still playing with their local club team.
 
I would love to hear any feedback, suggestions, improvements you have regarding our idea.  As I mentioned, we are simply trying to find a way to help develop our kids into the best soccer players possible, and hope this will assist them in doing so. 
 
Thanks in advance for all of your help!  I really appreciate you taking the time to help out!"
 
 
I was involved in US Youth Soccer Region meetings at the time so my first reply was this:
 
I'll be back with you shortly with more information, but right off I think that part of what you are accomplishing is also the objective of the US Youth Soccer Olympic Development Program.  So it seems logical that part of the pathway for elite players is into US Youth Soccer ODP.  Take a look to get these players in the ODP program in Illinois as soon as possible.  Here's the link for your state: http://www.illinoisyouthsoccer.org/ODP.htm.
 

The club director responded with:
 
"Thank you for getting back to me so quickly, I really appreciate the response!  The ODP system is something we encourage all of our players to get involved with, and I know our club has a number of players who are involved in this system.  This model of ODP was something we saw that worked well and we have used many ideas from this.  I know that many DOCs were looking to get some of their players additional higher level playing as well as participation in ODP.  Due to our demographics and geography, I know we have many players involved in ODP, but also some high level players who simply cannot commit to ODP.  For some players, they cannot because of finances, and some because of the long travel.  The CIYSL Elite is hopefully an additional opportunity for these players to get involved and play against some higher level competition.  We are hoping to have this at very minimal cost to families, as well as hold training in central Illinois.
 
Let me assure you it is not the goal of this program to replace ODP or to take players away from this program.  I am a strong supporter of this program and would love to see all of our top players participate in ODP.
 
I appreciate you taking the time to help out and any information you can send me would be great!"
 
 
My follow up comments were:
 
I'm glad to read that the players and coaches do participate in US Youth Soccer ODP.  I also understand the challenges of travel and costs.  I applaud the effort you and the other coaches are making to provide a challenging training environment for the players.  In a number of places across the country some clubs and coaches are making similar efforts.  This is especially true outside of large metropolitan areas where the pooling of talent (players, coaches and administrators) is necessary in order to compete at the top levels of play.  It is nothing more than the law of averages as small to medium size soccer communities are more likely to improve and compete with large soccer communities when they cooperate.  The idea that we can compete with one another on the field of play during a match, but join our efforts at all other times is actually the essence of true competition.  There are three key components in setting up the right environment for teenaged elite players to develop.  In an order of priority they are:
 
1.      Quality teammates
2.      Quality opponents
3.      Quality coaches
 
By the clubs in your area pooling your talents you are now able to act on these three components.  Understanding the definition of competition helps to guide the effort to band your resources together.
 
·         Competition: the process of competing; a contest between competitors
·         Competitor: one that competes
·         Competitive: characterized by competition
 
One cannot compete without a fellow competitor.  It is then through quality competition that the players and coaches will learn clearly their strengths and weaknesses.  Without fellow competitors that learning environment is not possible.  That you are coming together to create a healthy environment to raise your level of competition makes good sense.  It then is not an us versus them situation for the players in the pool.  They all need each other to play with and against in order to improve.
 
I've attached one file for you that gives the coaches some guidelines for the right philosophy for the training sessions you are planning.  Please do not hesitate to let us know if the US Youth Soccer Coaching Department can be of further assistance to you.

Training Sessions for Teenaged Soccer Teams [pdf]

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It Can be Messy

Susan Boyd

Right now I'm waiting for a pipe to thaw. No matter how many precautions we take, we always seem to have one frozen pipe a year. We added insulation, we put a in a vent to allow warm air to circulate behind the shower wall, and we keep the heat on constantly. Still, one morning we wake up to turn on the shower and are rewarded with just a dribble of water.
 
This is just one example of how we prepare for everything in life and still end up being surprised. We do it in soccer all the time. Many of you probably have an emergency box in your trunk, and still arrive at a game missing some essential like a uniform shirt or the left cleat. We can try to prepare, we can try to anticipate, but we can't win. That's because kids are so resourceful. They are great at preparing for disaster.
 
The best thing we can do is go with the flow. When we can't have things perfect, we need to enjoy the imperfection. It makes us resourceful, which can't be bad. I've run through a crowd of parents looking for a red shirt, any red shirt, when Bryce forgot his uniform. I used electrical tape to create numbers on undershirts for three kids who forgot their US Youth Soccer ODP shirts. I've make shin guards out of cardboard and made band-aids out of tape and tissues. I occasionally wear the title of not just Mom, but also Mother of Invention.
 
The problem with messes is that they frustrate us. And because in soccer they usually relate to our children, they can be the brunt of our frustration. We need to remember that even when they reach their teens, kids are still kids, who can't always be organized. We have to do our best to eliminate the disorganization. Keeping soccer bags where they can be easily accessed is important. Our rule was that once a uniform was washed it had to be put in the bag immediately, which meant that about 90 percent of the time it got in there. The other 10 percent ended up causing the problems. We keep a chest of drawers in the garage for all things soccer including gloves, hats, underclothes, socks, etc. that the boys can access quickly and easily before a game. Yet we'll still arrive at a game in 20 degrees with nothing to protect them from the cold. Once Bryce brought his shoes to the car, noticed they had grass and mud in the cleats, knocked them off outside and then set them beside the car, where they sat as we drove to a game twenty-five miles away.
 
Life is messy, and that is especially true when it comes to soccer. So, how to handle those messy moments? Try not to blow up. I know how hard that is. Your child will be as upset about the problem as you, but she has no way to solve it. Recriminations will just multiple the anxieties before a game or practice. You can't go back in time to make it all okay, so you have to adapt. Let your player know that you'll find a solution. Focus on positives. I guarantee there will be a solution. It may be rough, but it will exist. You also should include your child in the process of problem solving. Children can benefit from thinking outside the box and from the control that finding a solution creates. There are times the solution will be repugnant to your son or daughter, which is when you remind them that you promised a solution not perfection. Bryce didn't want to wear a plain red polo, but I made it clear it was red polo and playing or no red polo and no playing.
 
In the world of soccer we can get lots of problems. But we can also get plenty of solutions. Some of the solutions can come from our own prevention by carrying basics with us in our car but some solutions have to come on the fly. Despite the frustrations, it's these moments that often bring the best memories – those "we'll laugh about it later" moments. I remember with delight the game that Robbie played in two different cleats because that's all we could find. One was white and one was blue, but thank goodness they were left and right as well. Before GPS was a regular thing, I had to find a field in the farmlands of Indiana using my compass and a vague memory of the directions I had carefully printed out and left on the kitchen counter. We've forgotten entire soccer bags and had to hustle mightily once we reached the field and made the discovery. On the flipside, we've been the family who helped out a family in a mess whether they were on our team or the opponent's. The soccer world is highly interconnected. The team you play against this week will be the team you join next year. The coach you think is boorish will end up being the one who recommends your kid to the coaching staff at his first choice college. So spread the wealth when you can. You will definitely need to dip into the well at some point.

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Cuteness factor

Susan Boyd

Scientists have determined that we have a "cute" center in our brains. Whenever we see baby animals, adorable behaviors or silly actions we release an audible "aww" while our brains fire off their own "Aww." Apparently cuteness goes directly to our pleasure center creating the same contentment as eating a candy bar or getting a gift. It explains why kittens falling off a couch get more hits on the Internet than summaries of the Republican candidates' debates. We'd much rather feel good than think.
 
So it's not surprising that watching our little ones play soccer gives us so much delight. Who doesn't love their wild abandon and high energy? Kids have an earnest interest in their play that translates to cuteness. Whenever I watched my boys when they were little or my grandchildren now, my face hurts from smiling and laughing. I'm not sure when those smiles get replaced by our own intense investment in the game, but at some point they do. Scoring an own goal is adorable at age 6 and unforgiveable at age 10. While I understand that as kids progress in their sport they need to progress in their abilities, I wonder if we parents need to progress so quickly to hardened observers. When we cease to give in to the pure joy of watching our kids play, they pick up that soccer is no longer for fun – it's for business.
 
I want to encourage all of us to hang on to the "cute factor" as long as possible. Rather than feel stress as the game unfolds, we should all try to feel joy. It's not easy but the rewards are tremendous. If we can identify one cute moment a game and let our brain process it as cute, rather than frustrating, we will not only reduce our own stress, but we will reduce the stress of our kids. Here are a few moments that could go either way on the emotion scale. Find the cute humor in them, and you'll be well on your way to accessing the cute center of your brain.
 
In an indoor game, two girls' teams were battling it out. These 7-year-olds played with a serious intensity that showed each team wanted to win. Late in the game with the score close and emotions running high, a player kicked the ball towards the goal, only to have it saved by the keeper. She ran the ball out to the edge of the box, wound up, and punted it backwards over her head into the goal. Both teams stopped in disbelief and only the parent coach with his hands up in a football touchdown signal gave an indication as to what happened. No one cheered, but the coach did give the keeper a quick hug and a pat on the head to let her know it was okay. Luckily the parents found it amusing, laughed, and everyone ended up with smiles on their faces as the game restarted.
 
On a crisp fall day in the midst of a Under-10 boys' game, one of the spectators lost control of his dog that bounded on the field and quickly overtook the ball. Suddenly the field erupts into total chaos as the dog knocks the ball around the pitch, kids are chasing him down and adults are trying to rein in the event. In the midst of all this, the dog ran the ball down to the goal and put it in. Unbelievably this resulted in a major discussion of rules, whether or not the goal counted, and how many minutes needed to be put back on the clock. Rather than being a trigger for the "cute center" this became a source of major contention and stress. Had everyone just accepted this as a very cute moment and forgotten about the game, it could have been a really fun anecdote and memory for all involved.
 
Two U-6 coed teams played a game on a particularly rainy spring day. This mud bowl was made even messier by a girl who took the admonishment to "tackle" literally. With the grace and enthusiasm of Clay Matthews, she took after every player with the ball without regard to uniform color and laid them out flat. Even after being pulled to the sidelines and coached about soccer tackles, she returned to her effective techniques. All the players seemed cool with the antics and eventually several more players joined in on the action. By the end of the game pig piles were the norm and parents were shaking their heads knowing they had to transport these grubby players home and figure out how to clean their uniforms. Despite the melee, everyone was laughing and enjoying the spectacle of this demon in pigtails whose wild abandon was done with glee. She was having so much fun, and none of the tackled players were upset. They too were enjoying the chance to really get down and dirty. Everyone's "cute centers" were being fired off.
 
I know you all have equally cute anecdotes from your wide soccer experience. It's important to try to keep that factor alive as long as possible when it comes to our kids. When we shift over to being concerned because somehow the rules aren't being followed or we're disappointed by a silly mistake, we bring a seriousness to the game. Once that line is crossed, it will be difficult to recapture the ability to find the cute in an incident. Hopefully we can encourage ourselves and those around us to continue to see the cuteness for as long as possible, at least until U-12 when soccer starts to get serious with games mattering and kids looking to join select teams. To help out, families could locate videos featuring baby ducks, baby monkeys, kittens, even chameleons and watch them just before going to a game in order to stimulate that "cute center." In fact, it wouldn't be a bad idea to do this daily. Feeling good can't hurt.