Monday, November 08, 2010
Last night I shopped online for calendars. I like to give them as gifts because everyone needs a calendar, because I can buy a calendar to suit someone's interests, and because calendars are fat-free (except for the chocolate filled Advent calendars). There's a website I use appropriately called calendars.com
that probably has every calendar ever made for 2011 plus games and mugs. I came across the website several years ago when I was desperate to find a calendar that could handle all the entries I had to make. Most calendars I found in stores had these anemic little squares that couldn't hold three entries much less the dozen or more I needed. As I filled in my new, super-sized calendar I realized that soccer had taken over my life.
I'm not really complaining because I love sharing this activity with my kids. At the same time, I also know the feeling of jolting awake in a cold sweat as I panic over forgetting a game or an after practice treat assignment. Now I just have two kids to worry about, but Robbie has a friend who has seven siblings, all in soccer. I can't imagine juggling eight soccer schedules. I talked to the mom at team registration and she seemed remarkably calm. She must have an incredible calendar. She also has her kids all in one club minimizing travel for practices. But what about games and tournaments that never seemed to mesh for our family. She just shrugged and said serenely, "It seems to work out." Maybe she has taxis on call. In any case her aromatherapy must be amazing.
Youth soccer does take on a life of its own. Before you know it, your time has been stolen, now channeled into driving for, watching, shopping for, and organizing soccer. You not only know the clerks in your local soccer store, you have them on speed dial. You can explain the offside rule to anyone. When you turn your television on it's already set on Fox Soccer Channel. Birthday parties have soccer themes, you haven't bought a shirt without a number on the back in years, and you have to unload 12 soccer balls in various states of inflation to reach your spare tire. What began as a fun way to spend Saturday morning has now become the dominant entry on your calendar.
Finding the necessary balance in life seems impossible with soccer dominating one side of the scales and the rest of life clinging to the other. The best way to push back the soccer encroachment is to do it early and put those non-soccer events on the calendar right away. In our family we made an agreement that soccer would never take precedence over certain family activities. Sticking to that commitment wasn't easy. Occasionally it wouldn't have been inconvenient or a sacrifice to change our plans, but doing so would have opened the door to a full-blown soccer take over. So school dances, a weekend for snowboarding, a field trip, and other life experiences got their spot on our calendar along with the soccer games and trips. We also limited the number of days the boys could miss school for soccer. That's really tough because spring travel tournaments never seem to fall during spring break. Setting those limits before soccer season starts makes all the jumble on the calendar easier to handle.
As much as my boys love soccer, they also got tired of the routine. Every once in a while they needed a break just to hang out in their rooms, play some video games, or have their non-soccer buddies over. That last thing is really important because friends can get left behinds when soccer takes over. So, I encourage you to find room on the calendar for those breaks. Have a Friday night pizza party, buy tickets to a basketball game, or go out for dinner that isn't a quick bite before or after practice. I love soccer with my kids because we interact a lot together traveling, sharing game stories, and finding common ground in the sport we all love. But we also need to recognize that talking about the last goal or analyzing a disappointing game isn't a substitute for talking with our kids about values, teenage issues, and their dreams. We need to find topics outside of soccer to occupy our discussions.
When we get those blank calendars in December, it's the best time to pencil in some non-soccer activities. Even though soccer isn't some evil swarm of insects seeping under our doors to invade our lives, it can be a bit like a dog barking incessantly. We love the cute dog, but we also wish it would just quit yapping for a while. We can use the calendar as a way to control how out of control soccer can become. Don't get me wrong – we're still crazy for soccer in our family. After buying calendars online I sat through a soccer game that we lost 5-1 in 41 degree weather with 30 mph wind gusts and rain and hail. That's when you know you've won some battles in keeping soccer at bay, but you have definitely lost the war.