Monday, March 17, 2008
Outside of my family and soccer, my greatest passion is film. I love movies, especially old movies. I find myself drawn to certain films time and time again. Although so familiar that I can recite lines of dialogue, I still enjoy letting these movies wash over me once more. People may wonder why I would "waste" time on an experience I have already had. I'm not completely sure why, but I think I understand it in some ways.
Strong visual medium, such as art, books, and film, strives to offer the viewer enough complexity that no one can take it all in with one viewing. Studying the "Last Supper" multiple times means art historians continue to make stunning observations about what Da Vinci intended and what mysteries exist in the fresco. Readers can still glean new insights and interpretations from Moby Dick or King Lear. In addition visual medium depends upon the experience the viewer brings to the event. I am certain that seeing "An Unmarried Woman" while happily married and then again in the throes of a divorce will alter perceptions of the film. Great art is vibrant and alive allowing not only for the possibility of a new outlook but a new outcome as well.
I know that on that wet and foggy tarmac in Casablanca Rick will convince Ilsa to leave with Victor using the unforgettable dialogue ". . . maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life . . ." but I am nonetheless caught up in the moment because the promise still exists that she may not leave. Rhett tells Scarlett, ""Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. . ." yet before the door closes I can hope Scarlett will explain and all the ridiculous mix-ups preceding it will sort themselves out. In the "Godfather" there is that moment of tension before Michael Corleone shoots the police chief in cold blood that I'm not sure he can do it or that he can survive doing it, despite the fact that the scene has played out on my TV screen a dozen times previously.
When the character Tom Baxter walks out of "The Purple Rose of Cairo" into the movie house to meet Cecilia, Woody Allen showed how the promise of something different draws people into movies. Cecilia watches the film repeatedly until finally at one viewing Tom Baxter turns away from the prescribed action and says to her from the screen, "You really must like this movie." It would never happen, but it is exactly the reason I watch films again. It's comforting to see the same moments played out again and again, but it is also delectable to think this time it might be different.
So what does my movie viewing have to do with soccer? I think I bring the same optimism and openness for whatever may happen when I come watch soccer games. I try not to set myself up for any expectations or disappointments and instead just let the game play out. I wasn't always that way. I did try to "write a script" for every game, and like a director whose actors have refused to follow her scenario, I would go crazy. I'm not sure why I thought I could control the outcome of a game by my tantrums and taunts any more than shouting at the screen "You idiot. . .don't leave with Victor" would change Ilsa's mind. It took me a long time to realize that the destiny of the game was to a certain extent already written at least in the sense that no one person could change the outcome. I know that in Europe and South America the crowd believes they can turn the tide – and perhaps screaming in the 10s of thousands they can – but I have never attended a youth game with more than 100 fans on the sidelines, so we are a weak tribe against the fates!
I do make a huge investment when I watch my movies. I make sure the house is quiet, the shades are drawn, the dogs are walked, there is a full glass of water or ice tea beside me and a good blanket to curl up in. I hang on every word, cry at even the puniest of emotional moments, and feel myself gripping the arms of my chair as tensions rise. I know the tiny high school team will win in "Hoosiers" but I still hang on every shot, every foul and every disappointment because they might lose this time.
It's that way when I go to a soccer game. I make sure I have my chair set just right, a bottled water next to me, an umbrella or blanket nearby if needed and my "hope springs eternal" tube of sunscreen. I have seen this game many times, yet I have no idea what the outcome will be, and that creates delicious opportunities for amazement or frustration or tension or joy. All the things I feel when I see a good movie. The big distinction is that the game will be different each time. I can count on it. All I have to do is sit back and enjoy. That's worth the price of admission.