Monday, August 24, 2009
Happy soccer gremlins will soon be clamoring for those after practice and after game snacks that parents agree to supply. Snacks once consisted of a bag of orange quarters and a jug of water. I don't know about any of you, but I'm the mom who realizes on the way to practice that she signed up for snacks that day. I really think that's why oranges and water became so popular. I, and others like me, could leave the engine running in the grocery parking lot, grab the bag of Clementines and the gallon of water, and be back on the way to the fields before the boys had finished tying their cleats. But slowly the tide turned and oranges and water simply screamed, "This woman doesn't plan ahead."
Here's the deal. Snacks need to be nutritional, cost effective, delicious, and avoid common childhood allergies like nuts. Oranges and water fit those criteria, but they didn't fit the final and possibly most important criterion – snacks need to have a "wow" factor. Somewhere along the line responsible, thoughtful, prepared moms and dads started baking muffins, packing Gogurts in coolers, distributing full granola bars, providing individual boxes of natural cereal, and otherwise making snack time into a Top Chef competition. My bag of oranges opened on the hood of my car being sliced with a 1" pocket knife attached to my nail clippers didn't fit into the epicurean banquet other parents provided.
Navigating this snack track can be tricky for those of us who don't visit the gourmet snack aisle and who have to use the circuit breaker to turn our ovens on and off. I would bake. I really would. But every time I turn the oven on the timer beeper screeches continually. So obviously I can't leave the oven on for the length of time it takes to heat up and then to bake. Our dogs can't take the high-pitched agony. So I moved from oranges to fruit snacks and from water to juice boxes. They aren't fancy, but at least they have their own packaging, which seems to be a part of the current snack requirements.
The only advice I can give any new soccer parent is let your own kids guide you. I'm amazed at how acutely even four and five year old kids have their fingers on the pulse of coolness. While I thought animal cracker boxes would be an ideal snack, my boys nixed that misconception. "What? Do you think we're three?" I have learned that the more bizarre the snack, the better, especially for boys. In other words regular fruit roll ups won't cut it, but fluorescent green alien roll ups pass the test. Square juice boxes send out nerd vibes, but wax bottles or foil packs get the thumbs up. Grapes seem to muster approval, as do bananas on occasion. I do get confused as to when bananas are an appropriate offering. I've been known to bring home bunches of bananas only to be told, "You can't bring those to practice!" When I ask why not I merely get the eye roll that says, "You'll never understand." It appears to be a generational thing.
I once brought a box of popcorn balls to an indoor tournament which got lots of positive feedback except from the mother who was a dentist. Undeterred I have gone the popcorn ball route a few other times. I don't make the popcorn balls. That would require far too much planning and creating. But I was fortunate enough to get in on a "20 popcorn balls for $5" special at my grocery store right after Halloween. I have learned that popcorn balls never expire. In the future we are guaranteed that cockroaches, Twinkies, and popcorn balls will survive, although only one can be considered an appropriate soccer snack.