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Parents Blog

Susan Boyd blogs on USYouthSoccer.org every Monday.  A dedicated mother and wife, Susan offers a truly unique perspective into the world of a "Soccer Mom". 

 

Now for a Word from Our Sponsors...

Susan Boyd

How many soccer players fit in a Smart Car? Not nearly enough! That’s why you never see any of these tiny models in the parking lot. Look around and you’d think you were standing in the minivan section of CarMax. It’s not that sedans and compacts aren’t viable automobiles; it’s just that most soccer families need a seven-passenger vehicle to handle carpools, soccer equipment and the sideline paraphernalia of parents. While we may want to be as green as possible, our loyalty has to be to the green of the pitch for those years we act as soccer parents. We need those minivans, SUVs and crossover vehicles to facilitate our family activities. I’d like to challenge dealerships to offer a "youth sports" discount to purchasers or at the very least sponsor some youth sports teams.
 
This got me thinking about all the products that enjoy a symbiotic relationship with soccer families. Companies benefit from not only the on-going popularity of youth sports, but also from the explosive growth of sports like soccer. Giving back to the very families who support their products and services seems almost expected. I suggest we families could have a huge financial impact by controlling where we spend our money. Here are some logical products and services which soccer families would use that give back to the community with sponsorships.
 
Starting with US Youth Soccer, its sponsors include Baymont Inn and Suites, Degree deodorant, Fox Soccer Channel, Kohl’s Department Stores, KwikGoal, Liberty Mutual Insurance, National Guard, YoCrunch yogurt, SKLZ and Sports Authority. These sponsors offer products and services that soccer families use and need. I am particularly drawn to Degree because with two sons who sweat, having that protection pre- and post-game is invaluable in a closed car on a three-hour trip home from a tournament! I got to try YoCrunch recently, and it is a great way to start the day or add some energy in the middle of the day. There’s a container of yogurt with various flavor options topped by a container of different toppings such as cereal, granola or even cookies. Pop them in the cooler for a snack on the road or after the game. These companies have stepped up to provide money to support youth soccer on a national level. Families should support these sponsors as much as possible.
 
I looked at various clubs around the country to see who they had for sponsors. I was amazed at some of the great contributors these clubs got. Oshkosh (WI) Youth Soccer, for example, has more than 100 sponsors (kudos to the club for getting out there and soliciting those sponsors). The list includes two car dealerships, wisely supporting those who will be seeking new vans, and restaurants where families often gather after a practice for dinner and some conversation. Durango (CO) Youth Soccer Club has sponsors from a landscaping company (someone has to cut the field grass), restaurants and a college (eventually those youth players will move on to higher education). Middletown (RI) Youth Soccer club’s sponsors include a dentist, contractors and a screen printing company (for those tournament t-shirts). Big Sun Youth Soccer in Ocala, Fla. has sponsors from sports equipment stores and Ocala Recreation and Parks.
 
So how do you get sponsorships for your club? First think about local businesses that enjoy a benefit from a connection with your club. They would include sporting goods stores, sports facilities (especially indoor facilities), the maker of your uniforms and restaurants nearby your practice fields. Also consider businesses that might benefit from your membership because of services they could offer, such as insurance, car repair, dentistry, legal services and accounting. Finally, any companies with which your club directly does business should be added to the list, such as the firm that insures your club’s property, the landscaper who maintains your fields, plumbers who maintain and repair your bathrooms and clubhouse, and any vendor who stocks your snack bar or vending machines. Once you know who you want to specifically target, brainstorm further to find other businesses "outside the box" that could have or benefit from a connection with your club.
 
You will need to call the businesses to find out who makes decisions concerning sponsorships so you can target a sponsorship letter. In the letter, explain the levels of sponsorship available and what the business will get at each level. For example, you might display banners around the fields, give naming rights to permanent goals for the life of the goal, provide a mention and link on your website, print ads in a tournament program and, of course, print ads on uniforms. Create a tier of prices. Design your letter to clearly identify the prices, what businesses get for those prices and the length of the sponsorship. At the end of the letter, let the business know that someone will be personally following up on the opportunity. Once you send out the letters, wait a week and then contact the businesses by phone to set up a time to meet. Be prepared for rejection, but also be prepared to argue the benefits of a sponsorship. It would be a great idea to send someone from your club who has a personal connection to the business. For example, I got my mechanic to agree to an ad for our tournament program because our family took three cars regularly to his shop for more than 12 years. He could hardly say no to such a good tripled chunk of his business.
 
Have a sponsorship agreement that the sponsor and club signs, so there will be no confusion on what each party is getting. Most importantly, follow up all contacts, whether they result in a sponsorship or not, with a letter. For sponsors, it should be a thank you for the donation, and for non-sponsors, it should be a thank you for the meeting while expressing hope that they will reconsider during the next push for sponsorships. These letters show that businesses are dealing with professionals, which helps them justify spending money. If you have a club website, have a link to your sponsorship information and a downloadable sponsorship contract. You never know who has a nephew, granddaughter or neighbor in the club who will be surfing the web and come across your plea. Once you have the sponsorships, encourage the club membership to frequent the businesses or purchase the products. 
 
Don’t be shy about asking big companies to be sponsors. It helps to find a connection, but that’s not always necessary. If you don’t ask, you can’t get a reply. You never know if a company is looking to make inroads in your community because it plans to build a store there or expand its product line to fresh markets. If your club sends teams to lots of out-of-state tournaments, use that to get sponsorships from restaurants and hotels that may not be in your area but do exist where the tournaments are. See’s Candy, for example, doesn’t have any stores in Wisconsin, but it considered a sponsorship because during major holidays it opens a temporary kiosk at a large mall just outside Milwaukee. Contact outlet malls, amusement parks and tourist locations that are on travel routes to tournaments. In other words, be creative in how you identify potential sponsors and don’t rule anything out as impossible if you can find a good reason for the sponsor to consider your club. After all, most sponsorships are an inexpensive way to reach hundreds of possible consumers multiplied by word of mouth, and a good marketing director will consider it a bargain to buy that exposure and a great way to be a good neighbor.
 

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Playing Up

Susan Boyd

Every season, teams face the question of if they should allow kids to play up. When youth players show promise, parents and coaches put pressure on clubs to allow those kids to move up a year, or even two years, in the training ranks. Having been on both sides of this issue, I can clearly say there is no right answer. The problems with playing up can overshadow the advantages. In really small clubs, teams often don’t have a choice but to offer opportunities for better players to help fill out older teams. But most clubs have enough kids to fill teams at the appropriate age levels, so bumping players up would only be done under special circumstances. Naturally, all parents believe their child is worthy of those special conditions. Before you buy into playing up as an appropriate choice for your child, consider some of the significant factors that will impact that choice.
           
Some coaches argue that playing up for a strong player will only make that player stronger. Getting that tougher competition, being on a team whose players have an additional year of experience, and having a higher standard to meet can be the elements that improve your child’s play. However, competing at that level could also be overwhelming pressure for a young psyche. If your child is shy, cries easily, doesn’t deal with disappointment well and/or seems attached to friends on his/her present team, then your child is probably not mature enough to play up. Even though a player might exhibit excellent skills beyond his or her age level, the player may not be emotionally ready to handle that advancement. If the youngster holds back or begins to dread attending practice, then it won’t matter how advanced his or her skills are.
           
You also need to consider size. Younger players are often smaller than their year older counterparts. They may also not be as aggressive and risk injury, even if their size is appropriate for the older ages. Being smaller can make a move up intimidating, which would make a child hesitant to play, even fearful. When Robbie played up, size was an important factor because he is already on the lower end of the height chart. Luckily, his first experience playing up was with his entire U-10 team, so he was within the size margins of his fellow teammates even if he met much larger players during games. Nevertheless, I had plenty of heart in the throat moments as he got tackled to the ground. The entire team had to deal with lots of disappointment as it couldn’t always keep up, but the coach did it because he wanted the kids to play on a full field. This was the transition period to small-sided teams, and he didn’t want this particular team to be split up for a year and then get back together for a full team.
           
That’s another major consideration in playing up. Now the standard for teams is small-sided until U-12. For U-8, there are four players on the field and no goalkeeper. At U-9, there are five players on the field with one being the goalkeeper. U-10 has six players on the field with one being the goalkeeper. By U-11, you will find eight players on the field with one being the keeper. At each level the field size increases until, finally, at U-12 teams have a full complement of 10 players on a full field with the 11th player being a goalkeeper. Some recreational teams will continue to play with eight players, but if you are considering your child playing up you are probably looking at a select team. The advantages of playing on a larger field with more players would be growing the endurance for large field play, tactical understanding of full team formations and learning a position.  The downside would be the inability to keep up or learn complicated tactics and skills, as well as being locked into a position before exploring all the choices.
           
If your child showed a propensity for mathematics, he or she may not be ready to skip up to the next grade in the other subject matters. It might be better to just get accelerated math classes and stay at the same grade level. That’s also true with soccer. It might be best to get some private coaching to work on the abilities your child has without assuming that he or she is ready to move up to faster and bigger team play. If your child happens to be big for his or her age, it’s possible that size is becoming a far too significant part of the decision to play up. Bigger players often look very skilled because they can bulldoze their way through players to the goal. However, in truth they haven’t developed advanced skill levels and a strong understanding of advanced team tactics. Therefore, playing up is being driven by incorrect factors. The best choice for most players is to stay at their appropriate age level so they can learn the skills and tactics necessary to surge ahead. If they play up, they may actually end up getting left behind because coaches assume they already know how to do a step-over, shield the ball or perform a proper header. If they don’t get the training necessary for the skills they haven’t yet developed, they may never get it, leaving them ironically worse off.
           
Most importantly, be sure that your decision to have your child play up isn’t being driven by ego. Parents often feel that their children are being short-changed if a peer gets the nod to play up, but their child doesn’t. It’s natural for us to ask, "What’s wrong with my kid?" We don’t want our kids to miss out on any opportunity that might give them a better chance to move up the soccer ladder. That’s why we have to be ruthlessly realistic about our child’s abilities and whether or not playing up would augment those abilities. We absolutely resisted Robbie playing up at U-13 because he hadn’t grown very much and most of his peers were bigger and stronger. Add another year of growth with U-14 players, and Robbie would have been dwarfed. However, at U-14 he did try out for a U-15 team, and then decided on his own not to play up because his team was very strong and already playing at a top level. It was a great choice for him. He did have a player on his team who was playing up, played for the U-17 Men’s National team and now plays for the MLS. Robbie wasn’t up to that level at all.
           
In smaller communities, playing up can be a way for players to get the competition and training they might not get at their age level. Overall, I would caution parents to err on the side of temperance. Kids who play up need to have strong maturity and skill. Make sure you evaluate your child properly. Don’t be jealous of players who are playing up. Understand that they may well be struggling, losing playing time to older, stronger players and feeling overwhelmed. Players who advance to high school, college and even the pros aren’t necessarily players who spent their lives playing up an age level. Most played at their age level and made the choice to find the most competitive teams and leagues rather than playing with older teammates. Be sure to consider training like the Olympic Development Program or a Developmental Academy team to insure that your child plays at the top levels. Ask if your club participates in Regional League, National League, Kohl’s American Cup, President’s Cup and the National Championship Series. Look at the team’s tournament schedule to determine how competitive it hopes to be. Does it play in Premier League in your state? All of these choices can create a strong environment both for advancing individually in soccer and for getting noticed by college coaches.
           
Playing up ultimately doesn’t affect much in your child’s soccer future in terms of how college coaches view him or her. Coaches are far more interested in how skilled a player is, how well a player understands various team formations and can function within those formations, and how passionate he or she is about soccer. Therefore, the choice to play up should be based on factors that can’t be found in your community in other ways. If you do decide to have your child play up, keep a close watch on how that choice affects the child’s play and temperament. If your child seems to be faltering, then reconsider the decision. No matter what you decide, make sure the choice is equal parts your child’s and yours. Don’t dictate. Remember that once you sign on to a team, your child is committed for at least one season and possibly a year. So proceed with care.

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Releasing the Pressure

Susan Boyd

I’m watching leaves scatter by the thousands and birds crowding my feeder as they stock up for either migration or a long winter’s nap. So I know fall is here even if I didn’t hear every weather prognosticator saying so. Fall soccer is my favorite time of the year, despite having to bundle up to enjoy the experience in Wisconsin. I love the crisp air, the bright colors and the sunlight with a glistening glow that seems to reflect off the leaves, grass and clouds to give an ambient soft light to everything. The kids are energized by the cool temperatures and brilliant beauty of the season. So they play with a stronger spirit and a bit more joy.
 
When I watch those 8, 9 and 10-year-olds cavorting on the field, it’s hard to believe that soccer would ever become a "business" for these kids. Often times that inclination comes from the parents. It’s natural to feel both pride in and hope for our children. We have watched professional sports long enough to believe that making it as an athlete is the answer to a lot of prayers. Multimillion dollar contracts, endorsement deals and fame look like a pretty enticing package for our kids to achieve. When a child makes three goals in one game or gets a particularly supportive report from the coach, it can set off the ambition to push for higher and higher achievement. The risks of pressuring our children are plenty.
 
First, there are the statistics that work against your child going on to college and professional soccer. There are currently 18 million soccer players in the U.S., of which 3.8 million are kids 6 to 18 years old. High school students represent 302,000 players. The United States Soccer Federation has 2,600 professional players listed. It takes only a calculator to figure out that of all the soccer players in the U.S., only .014 percent are professionals. Additionally, out of all the youth players, only .07 percent make it to the pro ranks. For boys, just 5.7 percent of high school seniors will end up playing for an NCAA team at any division level, and many will be gone after the first year (site1063.tmpdomain.com/tunnel/proplayer.htm).
 
If I told you those were the odds of your child becoming a doctor or a civil engineer, I suspect you would suggest they try for another career. Yet we continue to expect our child to beat the odds and move into those rarified ranks, based solely on a good showing in a tournament or being the best player on his or her team. Even players who do get the accolades during their youth career falter when they get to college. It’s a different level of competition, filled with players who have had success at the same or a higher level. Many players can’t keep up athletically or quit because they were used to being No. 1 and aren’t any longer. Add on the academic demands and players can find themselves ineligible due to grades or stressed out by juggling both soccer and studies.
 
Second, kids just want to have fun. Pressuring them to have goals that are either unrealistic or too far in the future to require immediate attention can completely suck the fun out of the experience. Once the fun leaves, the kids will often follow. Who wants a job at age 9 or even age 12? I have seen far too many youngsters slogging away on the pitch who would rather be playing piano or attending space camp, but because they showed an affinity for soccer, their parents insist on them striving for the top. Their athleticism might take them higher, but their spirit will be squelched. On the other hand, there are players who love the game but feel too much stress because of parental pressure. We parents need to remember our children’s achievements have to be based on their own passions. Both my sons play soccer with passion for the game. Bryce strives to be a professional player while Robbie is content to play college soccer and then hopefully go on to medical school. Robbie’s deeper passion is his interest in science and medicine; Bryce’s deeper passion is for soccer. Hopefully both boys will achieve their dreams. But it is important to recognize these are their dreams, not mine.
           
Finally, kids pushed to do anything can ultimately suffer psychological harm. There is a difference between pressing and encouraging. If players are the stars of their team, we must be careful of how we express our pride. When the player experiences triumph after triumph, an arrogance fed by the parent’s vanity ends up negatively affecting the player. When disappointment occurs, which it surely will, the player doesn’t have the tools to handle it. If we make our pride too overwhelming, those players can end up feeling like huge failures for what should be small dips in the road. Additionally, even the best player has to move up to compete against other strong players, and he or she may not be up to the competition. If parents push and show frustration with less stellar achievements, then kids can feel like disappointments. Instead, those players should recognize that, whatever the level, they have achieved significantly. How we handle the possible diminishing of our child’s abilities in the face of other accomplished players can make the difference between a child feeling confident and happy or insecure and miserable. We have to figure out what type of success we want our children to have. If success is to be measured in getting to the top of the soccer ladder, then most of our children will fail. But if success is to be measured by enjoying the sport — going as far as the kids’ passion takes them and creating great memories — that can truly be called the ultimate hat-trick.
 
So take in the beauty of a crisp autumn afternoon along with the beauty of your child romping with friends and call it a perfect day. These are the moments that will define a childhood. If pressure and high expectations intrude, their soccer life could be a series of moments they will resent. Let our players guide us rather than we managing them. If they really enjoy soccer and feel they can succeed, then they will choose to push themselves. We can let them take the lead and in the meantime just savor the experience.

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Option Economics

Susan Boyd

Multiple sports and activities give kids the opportunity to explore different interests and to discover what most appeals to them. But these compound activities mean increasing costs for different uniforms, equipment and instruction. Since we parents have no idea what sport or extracurricular activity our youngsters will ultimately latch onto, we want to minimize these exploration expenses. Better to save the big investments for those interests that become part of your child’s regular schedule. So how do you offer your child an introduction to lots of options without breaking the bank?
 
Joining an organization that offers a variety of choices can make classes inexpensive, yet expansive. The YMCA or Jewish Community Center can provide introductory classes and teams for just about any sport, including soccer, basketball, swimming, judo and gymnastics. Your membership gives plenty of value if you sign your kids up for the courses. Add taking your own classes or using the facilities, such as exercise equipment and the pool, and you really stretch that membership to be a great value. Community recreation programs provide a great local option for so many different activities. In my town the recreation center sends out catalogs twice a year offering classes from drama to dance to science to languages. These classes can give kids a taste of what is out there to pursue. Most schools, even with cut-backs, have a school band and/or orchestra for the elementary and middle school years, which don’t expect students to have any knowledge of the musical instruments in which they have an interest. Instead, they ask the kids to come early to school or stay later for lessons. Since music lessons can run up to $50 or more for a half hour, this school option saves you money until you know that your child has a musical aptitude and the discipline to pursue instrument training. Finally, many churches sponsor basketball, soccer and baseball leagues with volunteer coaches. These leagues can be really fun for children as they learn how to play the sport. There’s no pressure for intensive training, winning or limiting playing time. All the kids participate with an eye toward enjoying the experience and learning rules and tactics of the game.
 
When joining teams, parents should consider recreational levels to start. These teams are generally very local, small, run with volunteers, and therefore inexpensive. If you’re a parent who played a particular sport in high school or even college, you may want to get your player started right away in the sport at a high level, if possible. However, keep in mind that whatever drove your passions may not be what drives your child’s. So dip the toes in slowly, giving your child a chance to experiment and either develop his or her own passion or and you have to be prepared for this reject it. It’s much better to know early on before investing a great deal of time and money. On the other hand, make sure your child completes his or her commitment before giving up on a sport. As I’ve mentioned before, the reason a child rejects a sport may have nothing to do with the sport. It may be a conflict with another player, teasing, or even a team parent who criticizes them. So, be sure to determine why your child wants to quit.
 
There’s no reason your child has to have brand new equipment in order to play a sport or participate in an activity, especially when starting out. Goodwill, St. Vincent de Paul and other charitable resale services can be a great place to get things like cleats, shin guards, helmets, catcher chest pads, etc. Likewise, there are sports resale stores that provide lots of great equipment. We got our first set of golf clubs for the boys from Play It Again Sports, and the boys used those for years. They never developed an interest in playing golf on a regular basis, but when friends asked them to complete a foursome, they were ready. Musical instruments can be rented, usually with a "rent to own" option. So if your child decides to continue playing, none of those rental payments were wasted. Another great option can be services such as Ebay or craigslist. You should always be able to find a good selection of equipment on these services, most at bargain prices. Once your child selects his or her primary activities, you can even use these services to find great, gently used equipment for a bargain. Obviously, as your child develops further, you’ll want to get the best equipment possible, but you can make that transition as the activities narrow and specialize.
 
Finally, whatever you do, don’t overload your child with options. Kids do need time just to run and scream with their friends. Try to create "seasons" for the activity choices. Your child could do drama, choir and basketball in the winter; soccer, pottery and trumpet in the spring; swimming, tennis and science in the summer; and football, cooking and gymnastics in the fall. By taking little nibbles of each experience, you don’t overwhelm the kids, and you allow them to yearn to return to some of their activities in place of others. As their friends develop their own interests, they will influence the choices our kids make. So eventually around ages 10 to 12, our kids will cultivate which extra-curriculars they want to pursue based on their passions, the chance to bond with friends and the fun they have.
 
As they specialize, they will minimize the options but, ironically, increase the expenses. You can serve as guide on this journey, but give them enough room to make their own choices. If any choice can’t fit in your family’s budget, then don’t be shy about saying it’s off the table. As disappointed as they might be, kids will eventually shift their interest elsewhere. Even to this day, both our sons become wistful about the sports they didn’t choose, but Bryce just got a professional contract in soccer and Robbie, who is short, has had great success in soccer — where size is less important than in football and basketball, his other sports interests. Since most kids won’t go beyond youth sports, it’s important that they enjoy what they are doing, feel an important part of the team and have pride in their accomplishment. And that goes for anything they decide to do, whether it be singing or taking astronomy classes. Let it be joyful and confidence building.

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