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Parents Blog

Susan Boyd blogs on USYouthSoccer.org every Monday.  A dedicated mother and wife, Susan offers a truly unique perspective into the world of a "Soccer Mom". 

 

Life technology

Susan Boyd

The other night as I was fast-forwarding through the commercials while watching "The Good Wife" I got to thinking about how wonderful it would be if I could DVR my life as well as my favorite TV shows. Not only was I skipping the ads, I was also watching the Tuesday show on Wednesday giving me the luxury of watching when I wasn't rushed and could really savor the experience. Imagine doing that with life!

I know that philosophers and pundits tell us that going through the bad stuff helps us appreciate the good stuff. But Georg Hegel didn't have access to a DVR, so despite his genius, he had no way of envisioning a world in which there were hemorrhoid treatment commercials and a device designed to avoid watching them. I don't know if Hegel had children but if he did, he probably would have jumped at the chance to exercise his theory of "self-determination" by pushing "skip" on his DVR remote that would eliminate driving to practices or would bypass the Sharpie wall mural incident. Nietzsche wasn't completely right when he said, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." I'm certain few of us feel empowered after dealing with the three hour laundry process following a mud bowl soccer match.

Having the power to DVR our lives would require some serious boundaries. When we record a TV program we can choose to not only skip past commercials but also skip any unpleasant scenes.  This means we risk losing an understanding of the plot or the show's themes. Being able to omit the outside distractions makes sense. Who needs to see the cops chasing a suspect down a dark alley only to segue to a woman trying to eliminate the smell of last night's fish from her kitchen? We'd rather continue the pursuit down the alley and see the outcome without interruption. So fast-forwarding makes sense in those circumstances. In life I'd want to fast-forward through the stuff that doesn't matter, like my commute to work, or waiting for the bread dough to rise. Anything more than that gets complicated. For example would I speed through soccer practices? They would be a distraction for me, but not for my kids. Or would I choose to avoid unpleasantness such as a game against an overwhelming opponent, sparing us all the embarrassment of a rout but denying my children the opportunity to try for a win? 

Having a child in youth sports, and specifically soccer, creates lots of those DVR possibilities. Tomorrow Bryce is playing three games in Chicago. The temperature might get up to 11 degrees with a -20 degrees wind chill. If I could, I'd like to eliminate the ride down and then save the games for a warmer day. So far that technology is just a pipe dream, so I'll be driving down and I'll be bundling up. When we sign on for children, we sign on symbolically for all the hemorrhoid commercials as well as the powerful dramas and side-splitting comedies. We don't have any choice but to take the bad with the good. That's life. But we also have to sell ourselves to the fact that we can't be fair-weather participants, doing our own editing by not taking our kids to practice when it's snowing or avoiding ruined floors by refusing to bring out the finger paint. We have to dive into it all.

I heard one parent tell another that she was only going to put her son in spring soccer because it would be easier. I had to resist the urge to correct her because I figured it would be better for her to learn on her own. I'm guessing the spring soccer schedule seemed less demanding than the fall or conflicted less with some other activity, but it still won't be easier. She'll have to learn about practices that move on a moment's notice because the fields are too muddy, or the games that are played in goo that makes finger painting look like the most pristine activity her kids will do that month or matches that keep getting rescheduled because of thunderstorms. We can plan, we can assume, and we can hope, but we can't avoid everything unpleasant. The messy stuff just shows up anyway. We have to see past it, savor the good parts, and accept that we have no remote control that can edit out the bad. While I don't believe that the bad necessarily makes us appreciate the good more, I do believe that the bad isn't the same for everyone, so we can't just erase it and assume we've done something universally good. That long rush hour trip to practice could also be an opportunity to talk with my son about how school is going or what's up with the new girlfriend. 

The advantage of a DVR for TV becomes pretty transparent – you zap the commercials and you store the show for a more convenient time. You don't have any messy philosophical issues because other than during the Super Bowl most of us agree that ads are pretty annoying and unnecessary to enjoying the program. However, the annoying stuff in life doesn't always translate into erasable moments.  And we don't really find that out until we experience them. A soccer tournament trip to Ohio when the freeway traffic was stopped for two hours turned into an impromptu soccer game on the shoulder. We may not have a DVR for our lives, but parents are pretty adept at making lemonade from lemons. We need to collect those lemons cheerfully and regularly because that's part of our job. In the meantime, I'll try to develop a DVR that can at least save and play back the best moments in our lives – wait I think we already have that.