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Parents Blog

Susan Boyd blogs on USYouthSoccer.org every Monday.  A dedicated mother and wife, Susan offers a truly unique perspective into the world of a "Soccer Mom". 

 

Stressing Out

Susan Boyd

Tryouts can be beyond stressful. Everyone wants the validation that winning a spot on a prestigious team can give. But spots are few and far between, and earning one may not be in the stars. How we parents set up tryouts for our players can make all the difference in how our kids handle the ups and downs of the experience. We need to do three important preparations in order to make tryouts, if not a pleasant experience, at least a tolerable one. First we need to research the clubs in the area. Second we need to take our kids to several tiers of tryouts. Third we need to carefully consider any offers made to our children.
 
Probably the most important thing we can do before tryouts is to research the clubs around the area. Don’t just go on the obvious factors, such as winning records or parents declaring it the best club around. Clubs ebb and flow. Therefore, making a choice can’t just be on status, since that status can change in less than a year’s time. I strongly suggest you attend practices and watch how coaches conduct themselves. Look at the players to see if they are having fun. Talk to the parents on the sidelines and pick their brains about what they like and don’t like about the club. There’s a club in our area which has the reputation for being the best club for girls, but when parents rushed to transfer their young ladies to that team, they discovered that the main coach was verbally abusive and the girls were miserable. This is something the parents would have realized had they actually visited the club to watch practices instead of looking solely at reputation. Along with visiting practices, parents will want to research the coaching staff as it looks on paper. What licenses do they hold? How long have they been coaching? What professional/college experience do they come from? Do they have an objective statement online? Finally, what part of coaching do they consider most important? Don’t be afraid to directly approach the coach of a club you are considering transferring to and ask these questions. 

Parents also need to research if the club is a strong match for their child’s developmental level and position. Going to the top club may not create the growth your child needs. Often clubs will attempt to "poach" the best players around to make a super team, and therefore don’t invest a lot of time in developing their players. They accept them as is, work with what they have and if a better player comes along, replace a weaker player. I don’t recommend a team like that for your child, except possibly in the later years when their visits to college recruiting tournaments will help your player get noticed by college coaches. Also if a team is loaded with center midfielders, and that’s the position your child plays, then even if they take your child, they may not play him or her. They may even move your child to a new position that he or she has to learn, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing to add to the resume, unless the team just throws him in without training and development. Finally, parents should consider costs. Going for the status club may not give you the biggest bang for your buck. At the younger ages, going to lots of tournaments doesn’t really develop your child and ends up costing too much. So parents should carefully consider if their money is going to development, or to trips to Florida to play other teams spending unnecessary funds. At around the age of 15, if your child is interested in being recruited by colleges, that’s when you want to find out which tournaments a club attends and consider trying out there. Until you make that decision, save your money.

Once the tryout process begins, you need to pick two or three clubs at different levels for your child to visit. It’s often difficult to do this because clubs have first dates that they can hold tryouts, which are dictated by the state association. Most clubs begin that day so everyone in the state has the same tryout dates and times. Additionally, clubs will try to bully players into not attending other tryouts. Don’t take that as any indication that the club is dying to have your son or daughter join their teams. They just want to keep the available pool of players away from other clubs until they have a chance to pick them over. Therefore, if you choose to attend tryouts at one club on one day and at another club on another day, don’t panic. There isn’t a coach on earth who won’t choose the best player he or she can find. I’ve watched clubs for 15 years attempt to manipulate parents with the fear that their son or daughter won’t be considered if they don’t attend all days of tryouts, only to have kids who didn’t return get a slot and kids who stayed loyal get aced out. Do what is best for your child. The clubs will do what is best for its program. So if your child is best for that club, he’ll get recruited. By taking your child to different levels, you insure that he or she will get selected and have a positive experience with tryouts. Instead of watching much better players around him or her for two days and being panicked, he or she will be able to attend a tryout where your child one of the better players and feel more in his or her comfort zone.

If you are lucky enough to get more than one offer, don’t just accept the top one right away. Most states have rules that you have three days to consider any offer your child receives. Once again, clubs will try to pressure you into making a decision right away. They will say that if you don’t accept, they’ll move on to the next player, but they can’t. Check your state association rules by visiting their website or calling, but you should have time to think before you have to commit. Clubs don’t want to lose their backup players while you take time to consider the offer, but that’s their problem, not yours. Talk to your child to find out how comfortable he or she is with the club. Consider things like friends who will be playing there, amount of time commitment and costs. Obviously you can do some of this before an offer comes in, but there’s nothing like a phone call to make things real and therefore more difficult.

Whatever you do, don’t set up high expectations, and then show disappointment when those expectations don’t materialize. Be positive about every opportunity. It can be hard to be rejected, especially if your child watches friends getting a chance on a team he or she didn’t make. But every opportunity has pluses. At the age of 15, Bryce didn’t make any of the teams he tried out for. He’s a keeper, and teams just had enough keepers that year, and his team had dissolved. With some networking for two months, we finally found a slot on what was a very questionable team. The coach wasn’t licensed, they barely got a slot in the 1st division and the players all came from weaker high school teams in the area. But we were stuck and gladly embraced the opportunity. It turned out to be a fabulous year. The team had needed a strong keeper, so Bryce helped them to feel stronger defensively, so they played stronger offensively. They ended up being promoted to Premier League, going to a great college recruiting tournament where Bryce was scouted and it only cost $150 plus the cost of tournament travel. Bryce made great friendships with the boys on the team, which still exist today, and the parents were wonderful. On paper it looked like we had had to settle but in reality, Bryce learned leadership, developed his goalkeeper skills with a bit weaker defense in front of him and built soccer relationships we can call on still today. So no matter what happens, there will be a team that will want your child, and that opportunity will be what you make of it.

Doing what you can to minimize stress before even getting to tryouts can make the experience far more fun. Then accepting with a smile whatever opportunity opens up can set the stage for a great soccer season. Don’t give in to the pressure that clubs try to exert during this time. If it is stressful for the players and parents, it is probably three times as stressful for the clubs. They depend on putting together the best teams they can for their financial survival and their reputation in the area. Therefore, they do whatever to assure that they collect the best players, defend those players from other clubs getting them and retain them for as long as they provide value to the club. Clubs are trying out for us as much as our kids are trying out for them. So be assured that your child will be seriously considered by every coach who sees your child play. You can take comfort in that and stop stressing out.

 

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