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Parents Blog

Susan Boyd blogs on every Monday.  A dedicated mother and wife, Susan offers a truly unique perspective into the world of a "Soccer Mom". 


Burning Out

Susan Boyd

Last week, 24 year old rookie linebacker Chris Borland retired from the 49ers stating he had too many concerns about injuries, especially concussive episodes. He decided his health was more important to him than a big paycheck. Just a short time before his decision, seven-time Pro-Bowler Patrick Willis, just 30 years old also retired from the 49ers citing health and injury concerns. As he said, “I have no regrets . . . [I don’t want to] barely walk.” Over the past few months at least five players under 30 have quit the NFL for health concerns. However, they also complained of burnout, a condition that easily plagues those who play for years under a heavy scheduling burden and the constant risk of injury. Even as these players finally begin to have a monetary reward for their efforts, they are worn out both in body and in mind. As I mentioned last week, the English Premier League realized they needed to address these issues for their youth players if they expected to retain the best into the professional ranks. Consider that these professional athletes have already spent up to a quarter century playing their sport, often overshadowing all other aspects of their lives including schooling, social contacts, family life and hobbies. They have spent as much time playing before their third decade of life as many of us spend in our adult jobs before we retire. If they remain in their sport, they may make a big check, but they may also risk their quality of life for the next four or five decades.

We parents deal with our youth players exhibiting burnout as young as seven or eight. When kids have to give up a bike ride with friends, watching their favorite after-school TV show or down time in order to complete homework after a practice, they will grumble and/or show anxiety. This manifests itself in refusing to go to practices, breaking into tears easily at the slightest roadblock or slight, clinging and hanging back. Some of these behaviors could be shyness and feeling intimidated, but in general kids who begin a sport enthusiastically and then slide into reticence are experiencing a form of burnout. In these cases, burnout isn’t overdoing a sport in the classic sense, but feeling as if the sport is intruding on the rest of their lives. If a child has several activities on top of a sport, or plays several sports, then he or she may try to shed one or two of these to stop feeling overwhelmed. Astute parents need to recognize when this is happening and address it without adding even more pressure.

As children advance in their skills, they will also advance in time demands. Two one-hour practices a week with one match morph into three or four 90 minute practices a week with two matches. Additionally they may be expected to train extra outside of scheduled practices including weight training, running, backyard dribbling or studying instructional films. Parents, in an attempt to help their children compete, will hire private instructors or put them in intense physical training programs, adding to the stresses and stealing more precious time. The more that’s invested in the child and the sport, the more reluctant both parent and children are to walk away even if the tensions are tremendous.  At the same time, parents may also begin to feel some burnout with the constant scheduling, carpooling, cheerfulness at game after game and the financial demands. It may be that we can unknowingly transfer our burnout to our kids, especially if they are a bit on the hesitant side and still discovering their passion.

Progressing through the youth ranks can propel a player to high school and college teams which bring both honor and another set of pressure. Now a player is expected to not only represent their institution on the field but in the classroom as well. They need to juggle excellence in play and excellence in studies. Players have to meet eligibility requirements for both grades and credits in order to keep playing, and in the case of college players, to maintain their scholarship.  Those expectations now require hours and hours of devotion. Passion for the game is important, but often it can be that players don’t feel so much passion as they do obligation – they need to see the investment through even though they are no longer joyful. They may fear disappointing their parents, school mates and coaches if they express hesitancy. Parents will also feel the obligation for their child to continue both because of the monetary investment and their own ego investment in their child’s achievements. Therefore, kids can be burned out, but not willing to give out.

How do we handle burnout at the various levels of participation? For the youngest players, it may just be recognizing what is causing the reluctance and letting the child exercise the right to choose a break. While I do preach commitment because I believe it’s important for kids to work through the occasional valleys of emotion, with very young players there needs to be an opportunity to try activities on, walk around in them and see if they fit. It’s not one size fits all, and if a kid is uncomfortable, then burnout can be nearly instantaneous. Sometimes just letting a kid choose a different option during one practice can give him the sense that he isn’t on a speeding, out of control train. It may be that you give your child the chance to exchange one practice for something different each month. It’s important to listen to concerns and acknowledge them while encouraging our players to not give up too easily. Finding a valve to let off the pressure can really help slow down burnout and help them stick to a course during rough spots. If hesitant to participate in practices, it may just be an issue of feeling like they’re drudgery. So spice them up by putting some rousing music on while driving to the fields or let your child bring a treat to share. If they worry about not measuring up, find a skill where you’ve seen improvement or a behavior that indicates leadership or kindness and point them out. Don’t begin the trip home with any kind of criticism or suggestions, because they’ll begin to dread the trip home before they even leave for practice. That makes the entire experience distasteful leading to early burnout.

As the players get older, parents can’t get by with gentle changes and simple fixes. Players now have a commitment to their team which has to be honored. Nevertheless, we parents can reduce the feeling of being trapped by setting down options before the season even begins. For example, give the player the guarantee that special events like school dances or a concert will be reasonable excuses for not attending a practice. Work with your club to remember important events and holidays when setting up the practice and game calendar. This is much easier when teammates come from the same school district or districts with similar schedules. Still coaches may be totally clueless about the significant rites of passage kids on the team look forward to. So parents should make those dates clear during the first meeting after tryouts. When kids are discouraged about their progress, they can feel burned out. So if your player suddenly moves from being a starter to being a bench player, be aware that she may want to give up in order to erase the pain. That’s when you can meet with the coach, not to ask for special treatment, but to find out what he or she sees for your child’s future development. Have your child initiate the conversation and help him or her understand what is being relayed. Ask positive questions such as “what do I need to do to earn back my starting spot?” and “can I work with you on my skills?” Don’t demand things like more playing time.

Kids ma be overscheduled leading to burnout in an activity they love but see as the most viable option to quit. Overscheduling can also be a reason for a player’s skills to decrease – he’s just too exhausted to give 100%. So we need to discuss and really listen to how our kids are feeling about what they are doing. In our house every year for three or four years we had the internal battle of football vs. soccer. The boys had to choose for themselves and my only input was that they had to do one or the other. Ultimately, each year they chose soccer, but I wasn’t opposed to revisiting that decision once a new season was beginning. I think knowing they had the option to switch helped take some pressure off while owning their decision.

Landon Donovan famously quit soccer for four months from December 2012 to March 2013. During the break he traveled, relaxed and didn’t think about soccer. As he put it he was tired and lacked motivation. His mother had always told him to quit soccer if it was no longer fun. His time off angered U.S. National Team coach Jurgen Klinsmann, who removed Donovan from the 2014 World Cup roster. Within 18 months Donovan had permanently retired. He admitted to being burnt out; that facing daily training was weighing him down. He acknowledged that many players feel like they want to pack it in, but “…they’re scared to say it because it shows perceived weakness. It shows your coach that you’re not completely committed like all coaches want. It shows that you’re human…” Donovan was 33 when he retired and had spent 28 years playing soccer, most of that time at the highest levels possible requiring intense physical, mental and time commitments. Sustaining that degree of intensity can be wearying.  So it’s not surprising that many players gladly give up what is making them feel exhausted despite accolades and monetary rewards. If players burn out in those situations, imagine how young players feel with little come back and lots of input on their part.

Robbie spent five hours a day in the car, five days a week, as we commuted to Chicago for his soccer training. I’d pick him up as soon as school let out and we’d get home around 10 p.m. He had to do his homework in the car, eat his dinner in the car and maintain whatever social like he could with his cell phone in the car. Even after he got his driver’s license, I continued to chauffeur him because he needed the commute time to get his homework done. There were certainly times when he had had enough. Even I suffered from burnout, since I was working at the time, so I went from job to driving, to bed, to job. Our discussions centered on what he would do if he quit and what would he miss if he quit. Ultimately his love of the game, the quality of the training and competition and his strong ties to his teammates won out, and he stuck with it. But I certainly wouldn’t have blamed him if he wanted to just hang up his cleats. We did make it clear to the team that he would not come down when there was a big event at school or a special occasion with a friend. We did what we could to carve some normality out of the chaos and pressure. Even now that he has completed college and decided not to turn pro, he expresses some desire to get back into the game. But he has moved on to his preparation for medical school and plays for fun, which is how it should be.

Therefore, parents need to determine if the burnout our kids express is temporary or chronic. Except for the youngest players, all kids should meet their commitment before quitting. But if they really want to end their participation, we can’t allow our dreams and opinions to make that decision impossible for them. Considering that less than 10% of youth players go on to play in college and less than 1.7% of college players go on to play pro, it’s inevitable that most kids will have to quit simply due to exigent conditions. Therefore, the timeline of when they leave the sport should be less important than what will make them happy, secure, confident kids. Sticking with an activity that they consider agony doesn’t contribute to those qualities. However, we need to make sure they don’t just quit and then cocoon. We need to help them make plans. Find out why they want to quit, what they want to do with that free time, how they’ll feel leaving their teammates, what the plan will be if they regret their decision and what the process will be for quitting. Our input should be free of judgment. We can lay out the alternatives, be sure that they aren’t having a knee-jerk reaction to a temporary setback like a coach’s sharp criticism or kids making fun of them and help them see all the permutations of their decision. Then we need to leave it up to them and make it clear that it is their decision to take responsibility for. We should be a sounding board, a mirror in which they can see the outcomes, and a resource for choices, but not the decision maker. When Robbie quit baseball, I was very sad. He was great at it, but he was impatient with all the inactive time that came with the sport. Compared to soccer it was like slogging through molasses. We discussed what the decision meant, and even though he was only 11, he has never expressed regret for leaving. Childhood is so short; it shouldn’t be filled with anxiety unless the child is prepared to deal with it and accepts it as the proper balance for the joys and passion of an activity. When that isn’t the case, it’s our job to listen and let kids take the pressure off.

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No Standing

Susan Boyd

We’ve all done it — rushed to the league website or the tournament boards to see where our kids’ team stands. The all-important ranking determines any number of things: status, ability to advance, pride, future recruitment, and club affiliation. Under our developmental system we still depend on standings because so much else depends on it. The result is that clubs end up focusing on team strength often at the expense of individual player development. No one wants to admit it, because clubs sell their product on the basis of developing your child to his or her next level. However, clubs need to recruit players to pay the fees that keep the club running and that recruitment often depends on how well the team is doing. Organizations do tout their success stories — which players went on to play at college or even the professional level, but the real attraction is where the club stands in comparison to the records of other clubs.

It’s a system that used to exist in England. Kids were coached on either community or school teams until they were 15, mostly by volunteer coaches or teachers. Those teams competed for the best players by advertising their standings. There was supplementary training available to good young players at Centers of Excellence run by the various professional clubs of the English Premier League (EPL). Outside of the Centers, youth played a tremendous number of games, tournaments, and friendlies fueled by membership on both club and school teams. At age 15, players could be “owned” by professional teams meaning that they signed contracts with the youth programs of EPL clubs. They then were trained by the club’s staff at no cost to the player with an eye towards these players developing into viable professional players. This old system parallels to some extent the American system, where players register on both club and school teams playing up to four games a week. Some players can join United States Soccer Federation (USSF) Developmental Academy teams at U13/14, although the primary emphasis is on U15–U18. They are excluded from joining high school teams. The remaining majority of players are trained by clubs and schools.

In 1990, the youth program in England underwent a significant change. The professional coaches and national team sponsors felt that England was falling behind on the international level and needed a stronger development program. They also recognized that such a program needed a financial incentive for the EPL teams to agree. Additionally they understood that they needed to make as serious an effort in developing female players as they did male players. Although females were not yet attracting the crowds and therefore the payrolls of male professionals, they were becoming an important part of international soccer.

The Football Association (FA) mandated a Premiership Academy system for the EPL. The clubs had to abide by a strict set of guidelines closely monitored by the FA. Foremost, the Academies had to be fully funded by the clubs, meaning no costs to the player and his family. Unfortunately, no such provision was made for female players, so steps still need to improve there. A few professional clubs do run a fully funded development program for girls (led by Arsenal), but many still require the players to pay for kits, travel, and facility fees. In return for their financial support, clubs own the players they train. This means that on a smaller scale than with their professional players clubs can trade their youth players for a fee. The cost of running an Academy is around $3 million. If the Academies can produce one excellent player a year for the professional level, they can end up covering all their costs with a single “sale” since the average value of an EPL player is $5 million. This financial incentive means that clubs are motivated to focus on the individual player, rather than an entire team’s success. In fact, clubs are prohibited from playing more than 30 games a year, and these are all friendlies. There are no standings, instead the team’s position in the EPL is measured by the success of the professional team over which none of the youth players or coaches have control. Instead the focus is on individual development beginning as early as age 8. Clubs are mandated to not just teach techniques, skills, and tactics. They must also teach players how to be players off the pitch with lessons in nutrition, character, hygiene and social skills. The FA knows that not every child who enters the program will turn professional, but all will eventually be citizens.

Players are signed for a season, which runs September through August, and they cannot leave the team until the end of that season. Clubs are allowed to sign up to 30 players at each age level, but usually only sign half that number. Players U-9 through U-12 have one-year contracts and at the end of each year the club decides whether to retain or release the player. Another club can sign the player at this time but must agree to a transfer fee to be paid to the original club to help defray the costs the original club invested in the player. At U-13 the situation becomes more serious. Players are signed for two year or four year contracts giving both the player and the training club stability. At U17/18 players have to either make the transition to being on the professional team or leave. They sign an apprenticeship contract. Finally at U-19 they can become full-fledge professional players who may be sold to other clubs at the will of the clubs and approval of the FA. Since even a novice EPL player can be worth $3 - $5 million, clubs have a significant financial investment in creating top players.

Training focuses on a strict philosophy of development. The policy is extensive and clearly outlined for the clubs ( Games are not the important center of training nor are wins. In fact, players younger than U-13 can only play one game a week (capped at 30 games) and those must be on the weekends. Players can only play for the Academy (so no school teams), and they are guaranteed at least 24 games a season. Matches are used for players to practice making their own decisions based on the training they received during the week. Coaches primarily focus on team tactics and positioning during games, but may even leave that to the players, choosing instead to offer instruction during game breaks or after the game. The idea is to help the player have confidence in his or her choices and to depend on teammates. During the week, practices focus on skills repetition. Players may spend an entire practice on first touch or dribbling techniques. Developing good habits in practices is the goal that is done in three phases: Foundation Phase, Youth Development Phase, and Professional Development Phase. There must be at least one coach at each level with a UEFA A level license, and the number of coaches at each level is strictly controlled. Players U-9 through U-11 are at the Foundation level and play 8v8, players U-12 – U-16 are at the Youth Phase and play 11v11, and all other players are Professional Phase.

The overall guiding force in these changes was to develop players who exhibit creativity and confidence. Therefore, players are encouraged to find their own style based on the strong, repetitive training they received before U-12 in skills, techniques, and tactics and their refinement in later years. The FA is hoping to gain strong, breakout players who take their training to a higher level with their own signature talents. By attaching a financial component to the development they are hoping to ensure that clubs will nurture that creativity, individuality, and talent to create world-class players. The club will only need one or two significant players a season to off-set the costs of their youth program. So far the EPL has been a happy supporter of the Academies having seen some robust results. On their website they promote their Youth Academy with stories and video highlights of training. Fans are delighted to see these budding players as they develop into the stars of tomorrow (

The girls program begins with training at the Centers of Excellence through U-15 and continuing to play with their clubs and schools, but they can be signed with club teams at U-16. There are no professional women’s teams in England, so most strong female soccer players aspire to play for U.S. colleges (yes, just like in “Bend It Like Beckham”). Therefore local school and club teams are heavily scouted by American recruiters since they recognize the strong coaching these players receive in England. Players at the Centers only train, and don’t play games. Once signed, the Academy teams only compete in friendlies and therefore don’t keep standings.

Unlike here in America where parents are heavily involved in their children’s training and games, Academy parents are often excluded from watching either. They have to sign a detailed code of conduct agreement and can jeopardize their child’s future if they break any aspect of the code. Parents receive regular progress reports on their players, but they cannot engage with the coaches. Clubs stress that a parent’s job is to keep their child focused on training and provide support so a child can accept being released by the club. Even those who are selected for the Academy have an infinitesimal chance to go professional. Coaches make that abundantly clear from day one to both parents and players. Since those chosen for the Academy are all strong players it will often be their mental approach to the game that will be the difference between being retained and being released. Therefore, it is the parents’ job to provide an environment that nurtures the proper mental approach to the game which includes being realistic about abilities and not over-inflating their egos.

Unfortunately here in the U.S. such a system will be difficult, as the nation is divided into four regions used for national competitions. The first difficulty comes with the size of our country and the limited number of MSL teams so that we can’t run the same type of Academy as the EPL does. While all MSL teams do have an Academy team, in order to geographically provide opportunities to more players, the Academy depends on club teams for numbers. A quick look at the map provided on the website indicates how much of the U.S. isn’t covered by any Academy program. In fact, other than Colorado and one team in Kansas, the plains states are totally devoid of Academy possibilities. Additionally, on the website there is a tab for “standings,” which I think is the second major problem for our Academy system. The local club teams associated with the Academy need to sell themselves to parents and kids considering teams they want to try for. The clubs’ financial well-being depends on recruiting large numbers of paying players, and the major selling point for families is being in a winning program. Academy teams compete for players in major metropolitan areas like Los Angeles, Chicago, and Denver and the non-professional Academy teams need to attract players to all their teams, not just the Academy ones. With an emphasis on wins, there naturally comes an emphasis on games, which by definition means teams have to be successful. Clubs can’t afford matches to be solely a training opportunity because their standings advertise their status to potential players. The third major roadblock will always be college recruiting. Youth players want to play at that level, preferably at NCAA Division I, and to get there they must be seen by college coaches. That means attending the top-rated tournaments in the country which approve team applications based on their competitive resumes. Academy teams usually get selected, but even then their status can restrict the number of college coaches willing to spend their limited time watching a weak team’s matches. Finally the role of parents in the “development” of their players will always be an impediment. In the name of good intentions parents often over-manage their children’s soccer lives including making demands of clubs and coaches, holding their child out to the top “bidder” (i.e. getting club scholarships even though they afford the fees), putting them in multiple playing situations, and moving their child from club to club in pursuit of top billing. So players often are on winning teams, but miss out on real development. Just watch some of the top youth players now at the college level who still don’t have first touches.

The US Youth Soccer Olympic Development Program is a good option for players in all states. Each state has an ODP team for which players can try out by contacting their state association. Players train a few times a month and play friendlies. There is then a selection process for the state team, which goes to regional ODP tournaments, and players are identified for possible selection to the national youth teams for both boys and girls. The primary limitation of ODP is the distance players must travel for training, which further limits the training opportunities. But players are exposed to top level coaching and to college coaches.

Until professional soccer expands further in the United States we will face an imperfect developmental system. Nevertheless, my hope is that the clubs will move to a model of training and games that mimics the EPL Academy, i.e. only play friendlies and limit the friendlies. Exposure to college coaches can be arranged by holding regional friendly events at U-15 and above that become showcases for the players without needing to have standings or declare tournament champions. Additionally clubs should do more to limit the “coaching” input of parents. West Ham is considered the top Academy in England and has the most restrictive parent contract ( Coach Tony Carr is leaving the academy, but has built a strong model. Many Academies offer American youth players the opportunity to train in England over the summer and offer EPL Academy training at summer camps in the States. This might be the best solution right now for bringing U.S. youth players into a stronger development model.

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Let It Snow, Let It Snow?

Susan Boyd

It snowed again this week – AGAIN. We’re not Boston deep here, but deep enough to be chronically covered in a white blanket. In a phone conversation with my grandson in Columbus, Ohio, he told me his outdoor baseball tryouts had been pushed back a week, a timeline I found remarkably optimistic. Right now the only outdoor team sport we could play here would be if I formed a snowshoe Frisbee league. Home Depot has started advertising for spring planting. This requires three important factors: 1) The ability to actually see real earth; 2) The soil is thawed enough to dig for planting; and 3) You can trust that winter won’t suddenly return. I figure events should merge around June 1 for us here. Right now I’m watching on TV workers clearing snowy slush off the Rockefeller Ice Rink so Evan Lysacek can perform. This same slush led to a plane skidding on the runway at La Guardia Airport, luckily without serious consequences. Kentucky, a state one doesn’t normally associate with blizzard conditions, had hundreds of motorists stranded on snow-clogged freeways for the better part of 24 hours. I truly believe Punxsutawney Phil is a genius.

The weather affects so many of our sports. Due to a snow emergency in November, the NFL game at Buffalo against the Jets was moved to Detroit, not exactly a winter friendly location either. They said it was for the safety of fans. Nice sentiments, but there was also the problem of getting the Jets into Buffalo where no jets (aircrafts or players) were landing or taking off, and no guarantees that if they could get to Buffalo they’d be able to get back out. I’ve actually driven from Buffalo to Detroit, which takes about 4 hours going through Canada, not counting how long it takes to go through customs. So it was probably a good choice given the distance and that the arena has a roof. This week, FIFA is meeting to decide about the dates for the 2022 FIFA World Cup. In some break from reality, the country selected for that event was Qatar. Since the World Cup plays in June and July, it’s summer in the Northern Hemisphere. That translates to an average temperature of 104 degrees in the DESERT nation of Qatar. So after several complaints, FIFA has agreed to consider shifting the games to November and December 2022 when the average temperature is a mere 80 degrees. Naturally, such a shift opens a whole other can of worms since countries set aside the dates in June and July. November and December are scheduled with league games, so professional teams risk losing their best players in the heart of the season. 

In 2006, the NCAA Division I Men’s Soccer College Cup finals were held outdoors in St. Louis. The event is always in December. So what’s wrong with this picture? The Midwest in winter seems to beg the question “what were they thinking?” just as Qatar in the summer. Naturally, there was a blizzard on Thursday with games to be played Friday and Sunday. There is always a youth tournament held in conjunction with the Cup called the Final Four Tournament. That had to be scrapped as teams were unable to get to St. Louis by air or road. Highways as far north as the Wisconsin-Illinois border and as far south as Arkansas were nearly impassable. I know this because I had started driving south with Bryce to get to the tournament. Two hours later, I was called back by the coach. The team was pulling out. By the time we arrived back home, the tournament had been canceled. Watching the Cup finals on TV between UCLA and UC Santa Barbara (yes two California schools) the snow contained by the four borders of the stadium had been plowed up to the edges of the bleachers in mounds that blocked the views from the first couple of rows. In order to do corner kicks players had to mount a pile of snow and run down it to the ball. There was merely a sliver of space along the sidelines for throw-ins.  Behind the goal a glacier had been built.  Spectators shivered on metal bleachers in 20-degree temperatures with winds lowering it even further. Ironically, the scene looked balmy and beautiful when camera focused on the center of the pitch.  The grass was green and the sun was bright.

Most clubs have an inclement weather policy. In general rain is not considered inclement weather. When kids start in youth soccer at age 6, parents assume that rain with its accompanying cold and mud would be the perfect reason to cancel a game or practice so their little precious bundles won’t be inconvenienced. Think again. Rescheduling is an enormous headache because you have to coordinate with field, referee and coach availability. Throw in holidays, school events, and other weather issues, and you can understand why teams will do anything to avoid rescheduling. I once had make over 50 phone calls before I could finally reschedule a U-8 game – that’s an age where I didn’t have to factor in things like prom, finals, Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, and confirmations. Whenever I thought I had everything set, there’d be another obstacle like the State Association refusing to approve the date for reasons such as the game being too close in time to the next game or failure to submit proper paperwork. That’s why even when there is lightning, teams will wait out the storm in an attempt to avoid rescheduling which occasionally isn’t even an option. When my sons played together on their high school team, the state final took over five hours due to constant lightning delays. But there was no choice. They had to complete the game that day. Luckily they were playing on a pitch with lights. Despite teams soldiering through bad weather, it never hurts to check with your club or school to make sure a game or practice will occur. There’s nothing worse than driving to an event to discover yours in the only car in the lot.

Weather should be taken seriously by all involved. Too hot and there are dangers of heat stroke and heat exhaustion; too wet or icy there are dangers of injuries due to poor footing; lightning can take out an entire team. Therefore, parents and players need to be prepared. In summer, keep a hydration and cooling kit in the trunk to include water, sport drinks, cooler with ice and cloths for putting on wrists and necks during breaks, and something for shade which is UV-rated. Sunscreen should be used on any day since the UV rays aren’t dependent on the sun being visible or the temperature being hot. Since your children will most likely be playing in the rain, you’ll need to protect against the mud and damp. Have dry clothing available, lots of plastic bags to contain the wet uniforms and muddy shoes, and towels. Be sure to have a winter kit as well (which could be useful even in May). This would include gloves, hats, warm-ups, a broom, and a shovel to help clear off those snow-covered lines. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to speak up during lightning to insure that games are halted for the duration of the strikes and for 20 minutes after. The standard is that at the first sound of thunder, the games are to stop. With all the weather apps available, we can easily see where strikes are occurring and when they are expected to pass, so there’s no excuse of ignorance. Safety is important.

Despite winter, the MLS season began March 6. Plenty of games will be played in the next week at outdoor arenas in wintery territory. Luckily, most arenas have equipment to clear the field, although they may not clear the seating area. Not so for the Green Bay Packers, who have to empty out their stands two or three times a year. They hire locals at $10 an hour to shovel out the stands onto conveyor belts that run down the aisles carrying the snow to the field where it is plowed away. That system exists because they can be guaranteed of the need. I grew up in Seattle and I can tell you the Seahawks, and by extension the Sounders, don’t have any such system. If it snows the entire area shuts down. So technically those venues in the “snow zone” may actually be safer for conducting games during the next two months than those venues who don’t expect snow. So far, MLS has been able to conduct games without problem. It will be interesting to see how long the upcoming warming and snowless break will last. Between November and April, Montreal gets on average 75 inches of snow, over six feet, most of which doesn’t melt at all during that time. New England presently has over 100 inches of snow.

The good news is that none of that snow will last. Eventually I’ll be able to see my lawn, the window boxes will revert from blocks of frozen tundra to soft, pliant soil, and at some point I’ll complain about the heat. Such are the season cycles. Crazily I’m planning a trip to Florida in July with my grandkids, so I’ll need to prepare for heat, humidity, afternoon deluges and crowds. Unless you are a snowbird we are all prisoners of our climate. We would do well to just appreciate what we have and enjoy the playing opportunities the seasons allow. Optimism isn’t bad – although scheduling outdoor baseball tryouts in the last week of February in the Midwest seems unreasonable – so long as we are flexible. I’ve been to tournaments in March in Fort Wayne where we had to sweep off the lines constantly during the game, my kids played a game during a monsoon with puddles six inches deep at the goal mouths and in the center of the field, we traveled to a tournament in Las Vegas in July that was played on artificial turf so hot that the AR’s soles were melting, and I’ve spent many hours in my car waiting out lightning storms. That’s all part of the game. We are in an uneasy partnership with the weather, and we can’t get a divorce.

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Throwing the Game

Susan Boyd

While fun should be the overriding factor in any youth sport, moral dilemmas seem to sneak their way in. Take the case of two Tennessee girls’ high school basketball teams. Their game last week was meant to determine where they would be ranked for the Regional bracket. The loser of the game would ironically get the easier slot while the winner would have to face the regional powerhouse team. Therefore, with no subtlety whatsoever, Riverdale and Smyrna did whatever they could to throw the game. They purposely missed free throws, refused to cross the center line begging for a penalty, stood in the lane and even taunted the refs that they had violated the 3 second rule, refrained from throwing the ball inbounds within the allotted time, and even, finally, resorted to trying to score in the opponent’s basket. The referees had enough, reprimanded the coaches, and the two teams got more than they bargained for. Both were eliminated from postseason competition, put on probation for next year’s season, and fined $1,500 each. Incidentally, Smyrna eventually won showing they were more inept in losing on purpose.

I wrote about a soccer team AS Adema (ASA) defeating Stade Olympique L’Emyme (SOE) 149 – 0 without ever scoring a goal. SOE sent a ball into their own goal every 40 seconds for the entire 90 minutes in protest of a referee call in their previous game. Now that’s a team that knows how to lose! I can attest to my own children being part of a conspiracy to throw a game. If the team we were playing won with enough goals, it would eliminate a team we didn’t want to meet in the playoffs. We were assured of getting into the finals win or lose, so the coaches decided to create the best situation for us by losing the game and ensuring that our opponents scored at least three goals more than we did. I wasn’t aware of the duplicity but did note our team seemed off their game, not clearing the ball, making poor passes, and missing shots. As I bemoaned their lapses, a parent leaned over and whispered, “They’re doing it on purpose.” I was shocked. First, I never thought that losing could be a positive, but more importantly I never thought my child would be complicit in such a conspiracy. I wondered what went through his mind as the coach encouraged them to lose, but “lose skillfully.” Playing on the other side of the looking glass, was he confused, angry, happy, conflicted? He was 14 at the time, right on that cusp of being an adult but still having the insecurity of a child. Had he been convinced that this wasn’t cheating? Was he comfortable participating? Was he craving guidance he couldn’t get? I felt totally helpless as I watched the spectacle unfold in front of me.

The opponents won, our chief rivals were eliminated, and we went on to win the tournament, an outcome that might have happened without the duplicity. The results were overshadowed by my discomfort. There was no way I could cheer the victory because I couldn’t support the means which justified the ends. When I talked to Robbie, he was confused. As he put it, “I had to do what the coaches said,” which I think perfectly encapsulates the problem. How does a child question an authority figure he trusts to be his best advocate as a moral protector? Surprisingly, the parents were divided. While some were as disturbed as I was, there were those who felt all’s fair. They didn’t see the coaches’ plan as unethical, after all the guidelines didn’t forbid the throwing of a game and actually allowed for it. When we tried to make the argument about the integrity and spirit of the game, it fell on deaf ears. Those qualities didn’t seem to outweigh winning.

My concern was and is the message we are sending our children in scenarios like this. I really worry about asking kids to do something they have been taught is immoral – cheating – when those asking wield tremendous power. How can a child stand up to an authority figure in those circumstances? I’m concerned that the coaches took it upon themselves to throw the game without asking the parents.  That type of decision goes beyond the normal purview of any coach. It encroaches on a parent’s role in their children’s upbringing. A discussion of what the coaches wanted to do would have been preferable to a unilateral decision without my input. I hated that Robbie was left to deal with this quandary on his own without the ability to get some moral guidance and to understand my opinion on the circumstances. If the team decided it was the best choice, I might have gone along, but at least Robbie would have heard my voice and understood how I viewed the situation. He would have had a context for the decision and an anchor for discussion. Instead he had to flail under the coaching edicts, be loyal to his team, and go against what he had been taught throughout his life. Tough spot for a kid.

While many players might not face such a looming moral dilemma, small ones crop up all the time. A recreation team doctors registration materials to get better kids on the squad, an accusation leveled at and proven for the team that won the Little League World Series this year. Altering birth certificates to have older, more skilled kids on a team seems to be a common offense. Teaching and encouraging kids to “dive” constitutes an ethical quandary for everyone involved. Coaches who make criticism personal rather than constructive cross an ethical boundary. Rather than saying, “Your bad dribbling cost us the game” coaches should say, “Since our dribbling hurt us this game let’s concentrate on it next practice.” We get faced with ethical questions at nearly every game. Do we stand by as people, whether they be coaches, parents, players, or officials, use profane language? Should a player admit to a hand ball in the box? Would we be silent if a coach used an ineligible player because the officials didn’t know? How would we react to our team being encourage to play roughly? Where is the ethical line we draw on the pitch?

These not easy questions. There are pressures from all sides that determine our responses. Our child plays in a community of parents and friends. Taking a moral stand could jeopardize their position, not to mention ours. On the other hand, not stepping up sends a message of approval for behaviors which we, our teachers, our religious guides, and our civic leaders have been telling our children aren’t acceptable. I wonder how the parents of those basketball players felt. I wonder if any were conflicted about what was happening or if were they all in agreement. Clearly the athletic governing body thought their performance was not in the spirit of the competition. They cited the teams under the rule which states: “An unsporting foul is a noncontact technical foul which consists of unfair, unethical, dishonorable conduct or any other behavior not in accordance with the spirit of play.” What a wonderful, all-encompassing rule. Unfortunately, no one had read the rules prior to proceeding with their plan or they would have seen immediately how outside of the boundaries of ethical play they were travelling. I worry that those involved, especially the girls, will focus too much on the sanctions and not enough on their culpability in tarnishing the good name of youth sports. I hope the parents can see the wrong-headed-ness of the actions and use this as a significant teachable moment. Interestingly, the coaches argued that only they should receive punishment and that the girls should continue to compete in the playoffs without the coaches’ assistance. The athletic association refused, stating that the girls were old enough to understand the ethics of their actions.

I do agree with the association, but I also know how powerful the authority of a coach can be. If a coach tells a player to do something that is against her nature, it’s difficult to refuse when she has the coach, her teammates, and her school’s status to be considered. I don’t know if the strategy of the play was discussed in the locker room completely, if the coaches asked the girls’ opinions on doing what they did, if the teams colluded in any way, and if the parents were consulted beforehand. It’s difficult to know how any teenager might have reacted in those circumstances without support. If everyone was in agreement, how could one or two stand against them? As we run up against these dilemmas, all we can do is deal with each one separately. In my case, I asked Robbie what he thought about the decision his coaches made. He expressed how uncomfortable he was and how uncomfortable his teammates were, but that they all felt powerless to refuse to go along. I wish they could have contacted us parents somehow in order to get perspective and support. I felt badly that he was left to wage his inner battle alone. On the other hand, I know that it gave him strength in later battles, including facing up to a racist coach. So every dilemma may not be resolved on the right side of the line, but it can give us the ability to push for the right next time.

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